Hi everyone

[jaxonmay]

As you know, I'm new here! I will try to keep my introduction short.

My mother was NPD, with all the usual putting actions, like putting me down, nothing I ever did was good enough, undermining my successes, reveling in my failures, etc. I know she was insecure and jealous but her actions have caused me a ton of hurt over the years. I was sad but mostly relieved when she died in 2019.

Until recently, I think I was mostly dealing well with being raised by her, culminating in a successful career for myself and being self supporting. However what I've come to understand is that I was emotionally abused by her, and for me to make that statement is quite something! I never thought of myself as abused.

Right now I am seeing sooo many patterns of NPD in my life, I just want to cut it all loose and start over again, I want to leave my job, sometimes I want to leave my husband, and move away.

My brother is NPD.

My father was an enabler, never able to stand up to my mother in a meaningful way. Less than a year after my mother died, I was horrified  to find that he had attracted another NPD and she has successfully brainwashed him to turn him against his kids. She recently moved into my father's house.

My spouse has NPD characteristics. He tends to put me down in front of others in public, and gaslights me. Our relationship revolves around his needs and wants. Not entirely, yet mostly.

Most salient, through all of this, is a coworker who is a true malignant narcissist, he is VERY good at manipulation to the point where he has enlisted coworkers and students (I teach in a graduate program) as flying monkeys. I have sought help through HR, my boss, and the title IX coordinator, as well as seeking out legal assistance, yet no one seems to be able to do anything. I feel sick going into work every day, and do the best I can to keep it together. Some days are better than others. It has become clear that I need to find another job, but that's easier said than done.

I'm glad I stumbled upon this site. I truly feel like I'm coming out of my own fog to see things VERY clearly for what they are. However it seems to be taking a toll on my mental health. Maybe it's better to be in a bit of a fog??

I am mistrustful of nearly everyone. I didn't used to be this way--this has emerged in the last 10 months. I'm trying to find a therapist but that is difficult, as you may know. Anyways I'm looking forward to the support provided here. Thanks for reading this far!

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! You have come to a good place, even though I am sorry you had to find us. Please check out the Toolbox for a start and begin to implement the tools that are suitable for your situation. My favourites are medium chill and non JADE.
It is not that rare that those of us who have grown up in a dysfunctional household to find partners and friends who rate high on the PD scale. And yes, sometimes one could think that a bit of a fog might have been better.  But I think once you have seen clearly you cannot unsee it. Rather accept that you are now embarking on the long and difficult journey of healing from being enmeshed in toxic relationships. You are not alone! See you around on the boards.