More medical drama

[11JB68]

I don't know if I posted about this or not. Updh has another medical issue... Vascular/legs.
He was told to go to a specialist but doesn't want to.
I heard a whole rant tonight about all these idiots (aka doctors) etc etc
His solution is to take weeks or months off work so he can exercise, lose weight and quit smoking.
The rant was insane.

[square]

Yeah that's pretty insane.

As far as his medical stuff goes, it's his body and his choice. I know it's frustrating.

I assume the whole "quit work to stop smoking an exercise" thing was one of those hysterical ideas (my H does that too). But if there's a chance he's really considering it, that has a significant impact on you.

[11JB68]

Oh yes square I believe he is considering it.
I swear he hates having to work at all. Yet also can't stand that I make more than him.
Alternately worries about money and is controlling about it, yet decides it's ok for us to spend on x if he feels it's needed. Also completely willing to quit a job, stop working, fire his biggest client etc.
He CAN NOT multitask.... At all.
He obsesses over anything he is doing.
He literally cannot picture a world in which he could exercise, work a few hours, walk at lunch, work a few hours, walk in the evening.
He also cannot handle even the smallest amount of stress, so to quit smoking he has to stop working (and still will be so Moody, angry, etc that I am terrified at the prospect.)

[square]

I relate to all of that.

The obsessive behavior.
The resentment of having to work.
The inability to multitask.
Inability to manage the slightest stress.
The reality that if we think they are moody now... imagine them quitting smoking.

What will you do if he does quit working?

I don't believe that situation is imminent for us.. yet it feels inevitable eventually. I am trying to steel myself mentally to somehow get out - no choice, we will literally be homeless if I have to support him on my disability check. But I still can't figure out what I would do alone - just know that I'll drown twice as fast with his dead weight on me.

[SonofThunder]

11JB68, I'm sorry you are going through this repeatedly. 

I am also so sorry for you good people who have to rely on your PD for some financial support. Its the opposite way for me, as I'm the financial earner and my uPDw cant hold down a job long term, as she ends up quitting because of conflicts with coworkers and/or not enough recognition (trophies) for her efforts or her repetitive migraines and anxiety becoming overwhelming.  Even when she was able to make money for those shorter work periods, she wouldn't think about contributing to the cost of living expenses, as all 'her' money went to 'her' savings for big material purchases for herself or buying others lavish gifts or even her taking our kids on a mom/kid vacation and make it known she was spending 'her' money in doing so.  But, my money earned is 'our' money for full cost of living expenses and also the large purchases, like house, both our cars, family travel etc., so she does not need to contribute. 

Sometimes, when i read these stories here, and the struggling financial thoughts of non's being solo, i say to myself haha  "they (two Out of the FOG members) would probably make excellent housemates, being able to share the cost of living expenses, with no PD's around and therefore reduce each ones financial load and be easygoing to share a house."   

Lol, I would enjoy somehow making my uPDw, have to live with one of your PDspouses, and me getting to somehow (from a distance) observe the full-on catfight.

SoT

[11JB68]

SOT, I barely feel like I'm relying on updh's income at this point....I make significantly more than him. BUT we have a mortgage and trying to help pay of Ds student loans etc... So we need both incomes.
Also.... He does nothing else to contribute. I feel like telling him if he's looking for exercise... Housecleaning chores are great for that!

[SonofThunder]

SOT, I barely feel like I'm relying on updh's income at this point....I make significantly more than him. BUT we have a mortgage and trying to help pay of Ds student loans etc... So we need both incomes.
Also.... He does nothing else to contribute. I feel like telling him if he's looking for exercise... Housecleaning chores are great for that!

11JB68,

Im so sorry you experience the financial burden weight (plus his thinking he should control what he didnt earn) along with the emotional load of living with your uPDh and now, the medical drama on top. 

SoT

[11JB68]

So finally this issue has become sufficiently unbearable for Updh that he has stated he will go to the specialist if necessary. Still has no faith that they will fix it but he is ready to go.
As usual he has waited until the situation is untenable. This is SO frustrating.

[11JB68]

Now I'm reading articles online that include stuff like this....
"Having a personality disorder has implications for an individual's healthcare outcomes; those with a personality disorder have a life expectancy nearly 2 decades shorter than the general population for a multitude of reasons, among them trouble interacting with the healthcare system. "
Very interesting.
I would include a reference but I'm on my phone and can't figure out how to have this forum and the web open at the same time. I apologize as I know that is a rule .. this was from a medical journal article.... Journal of hospital medicine I think.
Came across another similar one also.

[SonofThunder]

Now I'm reading articles online that include stuff like this....
"Having a personality disorder has implications for an individual's healthcare outcomes; those with a personality disorder have a life expectancy nearly 2 decades shorter than the general population for a multitude of reasons, among them trouble interacting with the healthcare system. "
Very interesting.
I would include a reference but I'm on my phone and can't figure out how to have this forum and the web open at the same time. I apologize as I know that is a rule .. this was from a medical journal article.... Journal of hospital medicine I think.
Came across another similar one also.

My uPDw visits the doctor (and hospital emergency room b/c of panic over minor things being major) a great deal, yet rarely follows the advice of any doctor.  Therefore i can imagine the statistic you mention is both anxiety related and also related to not properly caring for oneself. 

Imo, my uPDw enjoys the attention from others of medical issues (including me dropping what im doing to attend to medical issues) , enjoys the identity of being a 'victim' and enjoys the power of saying no to what a doctor prescribes (meds and/or actions). 

My uPDw also has coexisting traits of paranoidPD so she will not take most prescribed meds, (and yes, we have a HUGE pharmacy now in a drawer lol) , believes that her parents smoking around her as a child has doomed her to die of cancer (my uPDw has never smoked a thing in her entire life) and that all doctors get paid to prescribe meds and spend as little time with her as possible. 

SoT