Why won’t anybody listen? *Trigger warning*

Gettintired76 · November 02, 2021, 01:00:07 AM

My ex FaceTimed me tonight, and implied rather blatantly that she is in the planning stages of killing herself. Now after 15 yrs with this woman I knew and I warned everybody what was coming, why won't anybody ever listen to me. Six years ago this very time she drank two 70ml bottles of vodka and swallowed two bottles of scripts, if the paramedics hadn't arrived when they did she would be dead. I saw by how she has been getting increasingly unstable and erratic where it was leading but all I got was "I don't know what you want done." I don't want my children to have to go through this, thankfully last time they were with their grandparents but they are in the house with her this time. I don't think my son could emotionally handle it, he's already scrambling for ways to get out of the house, and my youngest the GC would be sent further down the rabbit hole then she already is. Any help would be so graciously welcomed.

notrightinthehead · November 02, 2021, 03:17:36 AM

I don't know where you are - many countries have a suicide helpline. Have you checked out the information on this site:

https://outofthefog.website/emergency/

Can you offer your children to spend some time with you?

Your wife might need much more help than you can give her - hopefully she can find competent help soon.

Timetogo · November 02, 2021, 05:04:42 AM

Call the police for a safety check. On her. On your kids.
Can the kids stay with you?
You can't help your wife, unfortunately.
But your children's safety can be a call to action if you need support to keep them from experiencing trauma.
I'm sorry everyone is going through this..

Gettintired76 · November 02, 2021, 12:06:52 PM

She is supposed to be seeing a therapist but is not telling them everything as is so often the case. I am currently at my mothers house hoping to have something of my own soon. As for a safety check or intervention, she always finds away to talk her way out of it and turn it around on me, or others.

moglow · November 02, 2021, 01:58:36 PM

GT, no matter how badly you want to you can't control this situation. Best you can do is limit your and the children's exposure, call appropriate authorities when necessary, and deal with the fallout of her choices. Your time, energy and brain is caught up in managing something that's not yours. I get it, but you still can't fix what hasn't happened - you'll make yourself sick in the process.

Breathe! Step back when you can and take some deep breaths and get oxygen to your brain so you can think clearly. Offer to take the children if that'll ease things, but be prepared for her to push back. What she thinks, says, does is all about her - it's not about you or those children. She's fighting her own battle and you can't do that for her. So you get to refocus and do what you can for the children. Do that!

Gettintired76 · November 03, 2021, 02:14:17 AM

I know you are right no, it's just I been so long put into the position of her protector, and all responsibilities put on me. It's hard for me to "just drop it". And you said take the kids if she needs it, therein lies the problem I can't readily take the kids indefinitely. I can hardly keep them for a weekend right now. Hoping that changes soon. Oh My God I would be so lost without you guys to talk to a learn from right now. Thank you all soooo much!

Gettintired76 · November 11, 2021, 04:13:55 AM

Ok so I've got a really BIG little victory, I started working for UPS 3 days ago! Yeah me right? I've finally gotten to speak to an attorney and will soon get the paperwork flowing for court proceedings.

Kat54 · November 11, 2021, 10:24:30 AM

I hope your ex can get the help she clearly needs. This threatening to kill herself is very traumatic for your kids. I lived through that with my own mother growing up. After years of threats and attempts She did ultimately end up doing just that. It's a heavy loss my family lives with now.

Threats are a cry for help. But also protect your children. Hope with the new job things will get better for you and for them.

Worthy of Care · November 11, 2021, 09:17:19 PM

Congratulations on your new job.

Although not a spouse, I have had frustration with wanting help for a suicidal friend. In my experience, if the suicidal person knew what to say to the professional, there wasn't a whole lot the professional could legally do.

Her therapist probably can't talk to you, unless T has permission to, but that doesn't mean you can't talk to T and let him/her know that your ex was planning stages of killing herself.

This is a very heavy concern to carry.

Gettintired76 · November 13, 2021, 03:49:22 AM

Do any of you have the issue of your ex wanting to throw out everything their new "love" is doing for ty our lids like a weapon, and withholding your kids from you at will, I was supposed to have weekends with mine but she has refused to let two of them come then after I complained she refused to let the third one come.