My 17 year old son getting life lessons from uNPstbx....really?

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

Short Version:
Just found out, that at school, my 17 year old son was harrassing his ex-girlfriend, texting her, and then fought with her and he put his hands on her - held her and shook her.

My unNPstbx, is lecturing him on how to treat woman and handle your emotions.  I just can't....it's so ridiculous. 

My son watched him belittle me for years, call me names, manipulate me, yell at me, etc...  His father can't sustain effective parenting for more than a few days - then he resorts back to the couch and does nothing.  He hasn't taught him how to be a man.  How to treat women and people with respect or how to work and earn money, even if you don't like your job.  How to take care of yourself, and respect your elders. 

Unfortunately, I displaced all my anger towards my unNPstbx to my son.  I freaked out on him - thinking about him treating his ex-girlfriend in such a horrific way sickened me.  I love my son (of course) and he has many good qualities.  Living in this house with us, wasn't good for him.   I was never physically abused - just all the rest - emotionally, verbally, and financially.

And, you guessed it.  My son blames me for his dad being angry.  It's all I can do to stop myself from listng all the horrific things his father had done.  Some stuff slips out - I'm human and trying my best.

The school is investing the incident and I hope he gets in trouble.  He should.  No one should be treated like that - especially at school. 

I'm so disgusted.  This divorce just isn't happening fast enough.  I'm trying to be patient.

I'm able to GR most of the time now, and I truly feels better. 

Wish me luck, everyone. 

[Lauren17]

You did exactly the right thing by holding DS accountable for his behavior.

Hard to do, but let Dad do what he's going to do, Your focus is on your son and helping him grow.
He's old enough to be treating people with respect and regulating his feelings.
(This is what I've learned from my T when YA DD has displayed unhealthy behaviors she may have learned from Dad)

[11JB68]

it sounds to me like a case of what tends to be true:
Children learn more from what you DO and what they SEE you do - than  what you TELL them
He has observed your h treating you that way and that is what he learned

[blunk]

It has always amazed me that PDs are able to identify faults in others that they can't seem to see in themselves.

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

Tonight, my uNPstbx  lectured my son about his phone. I think he loves to hear himself and he parents with a sprinkling of put down tones and words. It's awful. I wish he would stop. I wonder how my son will process all of this.

I do believe the tiny little infractions over time wears you down.....it can do a lot of damage. Only those that experience it can really understand.

I've been MC and GR and it's starting to help me and he leaves me alone now 

[j_curren]

I really hear you on this part -
His father can't sustain effective parenting for more than a few days - then he resorts back to the couch and does nothing.

I have teens the same age.   His parenting 'techniques' -  mostly ignoring them, randomly exploding, but always pontificating on how to be a better person.  Oh, the irony.

Where are your kid(s) with understanding his disorder?
My younger teen was treated much worse by him and sees right through him.  Very painful for her.  Now that I have moved out she is completely no contact.  I see her starting to relax more and open up again.
My older teen is your sons age.  He's obsessed with her.  She is his trophy and mostly in the fog. I am very worried for her.

From your posts, it looks like you are close to moving out.  I've been out for 6 weeks, there are a ton of fleas, but the healing is happening quicker than I thought. 

Lastly, ugh my older kid in particular is protected from his most horrible offenses.  It breaks my heart how she worries about him and feels obligated to him.  I will never tell her because it would only hurt her, but dang it's hard to not expose him.