UPDATE on: Livid!

[Seven]

Well, it's been almost 2 weeks since we found out MIL was in hospital.  UBPDmil is now on life support as of Yesterday afternoon. DH is not good with words or remembering things he's told by the staff but he did happen to take a pic of the list of meds she is on. Quick google search of the medication combination leads me to sepsis, all the way down to her leaking fluid out of her skin.. I read off the list of signs and symptoms and DH said "yep, she has all of them".  I have not been up to the hospital yet because ICU and number of visitors allowed, and I'm also trying to keep our business running during this 4th quarter, our busiest time of year. DH has been keeping me away on purpose because he knows I'm angry on his behalf and doesn't want to cause confrontation or anger. He did tell FIL that he will need me to help with paperwork, interpreting social worker, etc, which FIL agreed to.

DH has been emotional to say the least.  Lots of hurtful things lingering in the background.  Why did FIL wait 3 weeks to tell him? Why did she have to play games with his emotions?  There is no winning this game she has played with him his whole life (not his words, but you get the drift).  He said to me the other day "she probably didn't want me to know she was in the hospital so that later on she could blame me for not visiting".  She has always put him in a situation where he has to choose between her and someone else, regardless if that someone else is me or the HVAC guy. And when he got tired of her BS she blamed me for his lack of loyalty to her, regardless if I was even part of the situation or not.  All I can do is nod in agreement. There is also the Voldemort situation that I had briefly touched on previously in past posts, and now Voldemort has literally come to the forefront, which is making my DH hurt even more.

My 26yo is about to take a flight in a few hours to a flyover state for a job interview.  I've been mother hen trying to make sure he has everything, and his nerves are through the roof too. my 31yo is going through a divorce and has gotten his own apartment. I feel guilty for not having helped him move, but he also didn't ask for any. Luckily he was able to move his stuff piecemeal, bought himself brand new furniture, and is almost settled. They close on the sale of their house next week.  It was a quick closing.

I am overwhelmed, exhausted.

On a lighter note, we adopted a new dog on Sunday after having had to put my other one down back in early September.  He's a reverse-brindle mastiff. We named him Justus (pronounced Justice)

[Leonor]

Oh, Seven, how exhausting.

It's so hard to wrap our minds around exactly how far a PD will go to score some kind of twisted "win." Even putting their own health - their own life - in jeopardy. And even then, there's no self-reflection, no sense of real self-preservation, because the preservation is of the ego at the expense of literally everything else, including their life and the life of the ones around them. So FIL will not tell his son about his mother's sepsis to comply with the emotional blackmail dictated by his wife, even if that means not coming to a consensus about treatment, or arrangements, or just AAAARRRRGGGHHH 

When my father was dying of cirrhosis, my stepmom "got" dehydrated and wound up in the hospital too, two people gambling with their lives just to trying to one up each other on the Mostest Suffering Award  .

You've done such a great job with your own 🐣🐣, Seven, they're self-sufficient and adventurous and off to live their own exciting lives. I'd feel nervous, and sad, too. But I guess that's the deal, right? And you've done right by them!

Time for long Fall walks with Justus!

[Andeza]

'Tis the season... of change, it would seem. I was halfway through the post thinking that MIL was forcing FIL not to say anything because she hadn't quite grasped the concept that she was dying, when you made the statement about holding not visiting over your DH's head. Then I went "Yup!" My own uBPDm had several hospital visits after we moved too darn far away to be bothered and didn't tell me until weeks or months afterward. When I asked why didn't she call/have someone call me to keep me in the loop, she stated she didn't want to bother me since I'm soooo far away. It was a guilt move for her. She was essentially saying that since I was too far away to help, I'd lost any right to be informed. She did it with a cousin's wedding too. Too bad for her guilt doesn't work on me, and if she pulls that nonsense one time too many, someone will be calling me about a funeral rather than a deathbed. Sounds like your MIL almost got to that point as well, but then FIL broke and couldn't do it anymore.

I'm familiar with sepsis. That's not a good prognosis when it's advanced that far. I'm sorry your DH is in the thick of this. It's a really sucky place to be.