Well, it happened TW: death

[Seven]

UBPDMIL MiL passed about 12 hours ago.  She was on life support for 5 days when the nurses and CCU doc gently told FIL last night it was time to wean her off support.  She lasted all of 10 minutes once she was extubated, etc.

DH and I were there.  When he said his goodbyes after she passed, he really didn't hold back.  He didn't yell, but he said he didn't understand why she chose to hold grudges, why she never told him she loved him, why did she reject him, etc, that he forgave her and that he loved her even though she never in her life told hi. The same.

it was sad really.  You hate to see anyone have to be hooked up to all those machines and have multiple lines coming out of her body, but good Lord if it were the other way around and FIL went first my life would be hell.

Right now FIL needs DH.  The man doesn't know how to write a check, deposit a check, where any life insurance policies are, where the money comes from or where it goes. This is where I will step in and help DH help his father.  In the meantime, last week they had already contacted the funeral home and made arrangements and FIL will be buying the insurance policy that the funeral homes do to "prepay" his own expenses.   Cemetery plots had already been bought decades ago and now DH knows what to do when it comes to his father's final resting time.

Lawyer has been called to start the process of protecting money, will-writing, etc.

But DH has to walk a fine line with FiL so he doesn't feel the final rejection.  He won't be disinherited but he knows he doesn't want to feel that slap in the face.  It's not about the money, it's about the rejection and how they've never protected him during their living years let alone their dying years.   Money is the root, but not the cause.  I just don't understand how or why anyone could treat their children that way.  I don't want to see him hurting because it's a freaking crusher. This man would give the shirt off his back.  "Do good because it will come back ten-fold" kind of guy.  It just seems like he always gets shit on.

[Poison Ivy]

I'm sorry about the pain you and your husband are in. Death of a family member is not easy, no matter how "good" or "bad" the person was.

[bloomie]

Seven - the scene you describe and your DH's words over his mother... powerful and so moving. I can't imagine how hard it was for each of you. I am so sorry for the difficulties and stress this can all bring.

Sending you much wisdom and strength in the coming days as you and your DH help your fil in this time of loss and need.

Let us know how you are doing as you are able.

[Leonor]

Hi Seven,

Sitting with you, in a very similar spot.

It's hard and your dh may be the greatest guy in the world, but you're the best thing that could happen to him.

Wishing you both peace and comfort in this impossible time.