My short story and why I'm giving thanks

[Morocha2015]

I've been NC 3 years this December. I have a core memory of being humiliated by my HPDm when I was 7. I was awkward and had very few friends, but I was seated at a table with them for an after school Girl Scouts arts and crafts night. We were painting and I got the slightest amount of washable paint on my coat. My mother walked by and saw it, and began screaming at me in front of everyone. With all eyes in the room on me, I started giggling nervously so I didn't cry. My mother took that as me laughing at her, screamed at me some more and grounded me. As time passed I tried to join in the conversation the other girls were having. I said "I can't believe that" to which a friend replied "I can't believe you're grounded." I think that was the moment that solidified for me that I was not loved and couldn't trust my caregiver. I knew I'd never have friends until I could break away from her.

Fast forward to this week. I went to pick up my 7 year old daughter from school, and noticed she had something splashed all over her new coat. I asked her what it was and she shrugged. We got home and I got a sponge and sat on the floor with her and helped her clean it. When I finished she got up and walked away. I asked her "what should you say if someone helps you clean something?" She said "Oh, thanks" and went to get a snack. She won't remember the time her mom saw a mess on her coat, because messes are just part of normal life, and sometimes we have people who help us clean them. No trauma recycling here. ❤️

[Hazy111]

Walked passed a woman couple of days ago and shes bending down playing with her childs shoe, berating her.   "This is nonsense . Youre eleven years old . This shouldnt be happening. You dont tie a knot like this "

I walk on past  and all i can here quite clearly  " This is nonsense , nonsense. Youre eleven years old"

Ahhh.... the joys of a Borderline mother shaming her child in public. 

[bee well]

That's a fantastic story, Morocha2015! Thanks for sharing. I'm happy for you and your daughter. Seeing people break the generational chains keeps hope alive. You should be proud of yourself. :=)

[11JB68]

Hazy I had a similar experience at the grocery store recently witnessed a mom loudly berating her daughter (maybe. 10yo) ... For asking too many questions or something.... I caught the girls eye and tried to give a sympathetic look...

[daughter]

Whoa. I had my own 7 year-old's experience w/BNM, involving my infraction of inexpensive "lost scarf", that resulted in her disproportionate extreme punishment, to forego Girl Scout enrollment with my classmates.  Period, forever.

Only week later I saw same scarf, sitting folded on high counter frequently used by NBM, but visible to short little me only from top of stairs. I realized that no way was this scarf "accidentally" placed there, and by anyone else other than NBM.

In ensuing years, more "lost" personal items, often favorite possessions, missing from my room, in my parents home, sometimes "found" (in trash) and sometimes not.

She never told me it was "found".  Scarf officially remained "missing, you're fault".  This episode was seminal moment, when I already sadly understood BNM was both deceptive and untrustworthy.  And as cruel.  As a parent myself, I know it's inexcusable behavior.

[Boat Babe]

Utterly inexcusable.

[Worthy of Care]

  for breaking the chains. When she is an adult, your daughter might not remember you helping her to clean her coat.  Your love for her; however, will be deep in her heart.