Update

[D.Dan]

Looks like my divorce case is finally coming to the end....

My lawyer and I made a settlement offer to stbx's dad over the summer, I will relinquish my claim to the marital home in exchange for some money put into a trust for the kids. Heard nothing back until a few days before the next case conference.

- For some reason, stbx made the same deal with his dad.

- Stbx wanted more time with the kids, jumping from a few hours a week with one child at a time (he is unable to handle all 3 autistic children at once) to doing a two day rotation with each child... He told the judge he planned on quitting his job and getting the same "funding" (tax benefits) I receive, to help care for the kids. I refused. So we offered he get more hours of visitation, that his parents can supervise at their home (since he is supposedly renting a room there) and it would be over his entire weekend 3 kids = 3 days. He agreed.

-The judge told him to get vaccinated because they are a "pro choice vaccination home" and are choosing to not get it. The judge ordered stbx to get the vaccine because it is pretty much impossible to vaccinate our kids and they already have weak immune systems. (I don't mind his family not getting vaccinated, it's their choice, only that it puts my kids at great risk of hospitalization and trauma). (The judge asked if  he cared about the possible exposure to the kids, he said his parents don't mind...  )

-turns out his parents refused to accommodate this new visitation location and schedule. (The judge was surprised because his dad claimed they really, really wanted to be in the kids lives)

- Stbx wants 1/2 the "funding" the kids get every month to be able to take care of them...
The tax benefits will only be split between us if he has ALL 3 kids 1/2 the time, even his "1 kid every 2 days" plan doesn't qualify.

- His dad's lawyer used up a 2 hour pre-trial case conference (it was supposed to be about trial prep and costs) with confusion, word salad, projecting the stall tactics he was using onto my lawyer, refusal to clarify what he was saying when my lawyer asked, and distraction by focusing on non-issues and presenting information no one else had, randomly. That lawyer tried it again at the recent case conference but the judge refused to let that happen again.

- Stbx is trying to lower his child support payments by refusing to show his income tax records (he gets paid around minimum wage but gets a lot of overtime, he is trying to hide over 1/2 his income  )

-stbx was previously pushing for a paternity test on one of the kids claiming I was acting suspiciously after a test found only 2 kids inherited a genetic anomaly from him.
The reality was, he got preemptively defensive, and got mad at me for 'maybe blaming stbx for the kids autism'. Except I wasn't angry, I didn't blame him and the geneticist we were meeting (who had momentarily stepped out of the room) pointed out the lack of anger and blame.
- Seems he no longer cares about getting the test, since my lawyer pointed out I'm willing and it would be paid out of stbx's pocket.

- Stbx, his dad and their lawyers tried to claim our divorce was a civil case and must go to trial anyways (The house portion WAS the civil case and was settled) and that it wasn't a divorce case.

-stbx also wanted me to have to get his signature for everything for the kids (something about staying in their lives) but it's okay, I get final say but will inform him about major medical decisions (so that the kids don't miss out on anything they need medically).

My lawyer is currently writing up the final order which should be ready next week.

Uugghh, what a gong show.

[Andeza]

Ugh, that was painful just to read about. I can't imagine having to actually go through it. Good for you, sticking to what's going to best for you and your kids. I'm glad that you've got an end in sight now.

[hhaw]

D.Dan:

I'm glad your Judge is aware of the PD bologna and able to limit it.

That said, DO you HAVE to go to trial if the stbx refuses to sign the Final Agreement your attorney is writing up? 

From your post, it seems the PD, his dad and their attorney insist on a trial? 

In Atlanta....that means a trial.  It also means the car azy, selfish, toxic demands of an unhinged PD would be entertained in a Courtroom, unfortunately.  Everyone would be punished ime...... particularly the kids.

It looks like you had a hearing and the Judge called the matter settled and done?  Refused to hear a trial brought back the PDs?

Congrats on getting close to the end. 

[D.Dan]

I try to be vague and misleading about my home country, just in case.

Stbx and his dad were planning to have a bunch of their relatives testify against me in trial (for the marital home).

From what I understand about the divorce law here, stbx can refuse to sign the final order but all that does is take the order in front of a judge (trial) who will sign it anyways because stbx agreed at the 2nd pre-trial case conference.

So his refusal will pretty much be a waste of time and money, and the judges here don't like their time being wasted.

Right now, my nerves are shot, I'm pretty sure my lawyer was bluffing about us being ready for trial, and I'm waiting for the next shoe to drop. 

I do think it helped that it was by teleconference and I didn't display how I truly felt during all 3 extra case conferences.

[gfuertes]

That sounds so frustrating.  I'm sorry you're dealing with that, and that his need for attention seems to be competing with the goal of focusing on the needs of your children with Autism.

[hhaw]

Holy Cow, D.Dan.  You've been through the wringer.  I wish I'd seen your posts over the last year, bc your story resonates deeply with my own.

Stay alert.  Listen to your instincts and don't judge yourself.  At all.

You're almost out of the marriage.  Ask neighbors and supporters for help and to keep a lookout for the stbx.  Report everything to the police..... everything.  Don't let the PD get away with anything if it feels safe enough to do so.

You must be an amazing parent. 

[D.Dan]

We are now waiting for stbx father-in-law's lawyer to okay the final order....which has been ready since thursday.... 

[JustKeepTrying]

D.Dan - what a horror show and you are incredible brave and strong.  Parenting children with autism is hard enough (I know - my son) yet go through a divorce with a PD and three on the spectrum.

You are close and the end is in sight.  Take special care of yourself.  Your children need you.

[D.Dan]

They finally got the okay from his dad's lawyer... at the end of the day, right before trial could be cancelled! (Trial was the next morning!)

Bet they didn't know I could get to my lawyers office in 10 minutes to sign my affidavit  giving my lawyer 15 minutes (yes it was this close! ) to file it with court and cancel trial the next morning!

 



BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!!!

[escapingman]

Congratulations!  I am so happy to read about this. I hope I can post something like this soon.

[JustKeepTrying]

Woohoo!!!!!!!

[hhaw]

::Doing Snoopie dance!!::.

Woooohoohoohoohoooo!

Well played, D!