What drives them?

[Justme729]

This is more thinking about of a work situation, but always feel like I get better/more feedback here.

Dealing with a PD coworker/team.   What sick pleasure do they get from me?   What have I done to deserve this treatment?  If it isn't me, then who would they be harassing? I set boundaries, they stomp on them.  I stay calm and collected, they can't handle it.   I stick with my boundary despite their behavior and retaliation and sabotage.  I know they can't stand it.  I know they can't stand that no matter what I remain non-emotional and do my job.   I know it kills them that I'm well liked by others.   There is a large group of us experiencing the same behavior, but nobody else is ready or willing to take a stand. 

I feel like I'm that little girl again.   Dealing with my PD mother.   We have good boundaries and can have a semi-relationship now.   It will never be 100% recovered.   She's been more open as of lately, and mentioned to her that her belief of "forgive and forget isn't possible" and cited this as evidence.   My body just goes into flight or fight.   I want to just run away, but I have so many other people counting on me that I can't just leave.   The thing is everyone is too scared of her.  I want to go no contact, but how is that even possible in a work situation.

[Jolie40]

  I want to go no contact, but how is that even possible in a work situation.

right now, this is my child at school
the "problem kid" started to cause my kid anxiety according to my kid

I contacted school counselor for help
he told my kid the "problem kid" is troubled & seeks attention
counsellor said to "use your voice" and "not to feel guilty"

my kid IS speaking up now and standing up to the problem kid
also "trying" to ignore this kid....tough though when kid is in several same classes

the counsellor helped my kid
I said basically same but hearing from a counselor Better than hearing from mom (me)

[Olive]

There are predictable consequences of relationships and group behavior.  In the work environment, the covert manipulation and assault of predators demonstrates leadership power to the group, tests weak links, and positions people in a network.  Management may respect the results these individuals get, but it only works if the water is always churning.  It's one of the reasons I'm wary of groups that train for leadership or advocacy because it can dissolve into groupthink.

There's lots of power there.  I find the best strategy is don't react initially.  It gives you a chance to figure out if there's an agenda and who the players are.  It also gives you the ability to have an intelligent conversation with management if needed.  It's usually not helpful to get management to act but it is helpful to have management in the loop if you can discuss it dispassionately.  I always felt like you could gage the importance of a project by all the worms crawling out of the woodwork.