Support Hotline

[Lauren17]

I'm seriously considering calling one of those free support hotlines.
Im looking to talk to someone who has experience in dealing with divorcing a toxic person.  I feel like my support team forgets what I'm up against and expects him to respond in a rational manner.
Even my T, the one who helped me identify the emotional abuse, has said, "Why don't you talk to him about this?"
And yet, I don't feel like those hotlines are for me. I have a good job, a safe place to live, a support network. I feel like they're going to tell me that they're there for people with real problems. It's not that bad. Deal with it.
So, has anyone tried the hotline? How did it go?

[Penny Lane]

These hotlines are for you!! There is always going to be someone who is worse off than you. But they are there for anyone who needs the help, and they are trained in the dynamics of your situation better than your lawyer or anyone else.

I highly encourage at! Worst case scenario they're not super helpful and you're back where you started.

But they are definitely not going to tell you to deal with it.

[square]

I called a support hotline a few years ago, before I found this forum, and when I thought my mind would break from cognitive dissonance.

I have a college degree and a house and two loving parents and and.

I spoke for about thirty minutes to a very kind and calm young man who validated me while I cried. He gave me a tip for hiding my browser activity and gave me a new word (Anosognosia). I felt not so alone after. They can't jump out and rescue us but I did feel a bit better.

Regardless, it would be one awful hotline if they challenged your worthiness to call. That was not at all my experence.

[Boat Babe]

I remember it when I started therapy and saying right from the start that I didn't feel deserving of therapy as there was so much suffering in in the world. I had just got out of a desperately abusive relationship in with unNPDbf and was in bits. I soooooo needed therapy but a voice in my head was telling me otherwise.  I ended up doing two years with this T who set me on the path to healing and integration.

Do get all the support you can ask it's the royal road to freedom and peace.

[JustKathy]

I called the National Suicide Prevention Hotline once because the website says they're available for emotional support. I wasn't suicidal when I called, but I was in a lot of emotional distress. A very compassionate woman talked to me for about 30 minutes until I was feeling better. It's not a replacement for therapy, but when you really feel alone and need someone to talk to, definitely make that call.

[1footouttadefog]

Use whatever resources you need.  You deserve to be helped. 

Even if you are not as rock bottom as someone else.  From an empathetic view which you likely have, would you want anyone else to hit absolute bottom before getting help or support.  No, you would tell them to call. 

Besides If someone answers it's because there is not a cue of people who need them more,

[JustKeepTrying]

My first Christmas out I called the national suicide hotline.  It was very lonely time and I was at the breaking point.  The divorce not filed and my x just twisting me to bits.  His push and pull behavior and all the drama - I was at a breaking point.  They were kind and listened and didn't question me at all.  We were on for 20 minutes before my son arrived home early from Christmas with my x and I quickly hung up.  I felt embarrassed but looking back, I am very grateful that somewhere out there was a stranger who was willing to listen and validate.

Lauren17, we see you and hear you and support you.  Call and talk and hear a voice in real time do the same.

[moglow]

That's that those hotlines are for, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!  It takes courage to ask for help when you need it, even if you just need that listening ear on the other end of the line. I was brought up to not talk about things, that you couldn't "tell" because bad things would happen. Well bad things were happening and keeping it to myself damn near destroyed me.

Years ago during one of mommie dearest's ongoing rampages, I called the employee assistance program where I worked. I wasn't on drugs or an alcoholic, not even having some kind of psychotic break, but I was crumbling inside and I knew it. Best. Call. Ever. The intake staff listened me off the immediate edge then dug in for what I needed and was looking for, even to specifying whether I'd be more comfortable meeting with a man or woman, older or more my age, etc. I remember apologizing for wasting their time and being told repeatedly, that's what they are there for. They matched me with the therapist who introduced me to personality disorders and shed so much light on my darkness.

Needs don't always come in easy or pretty packages, sometimes they're raw and crying in pain. People manning those hotlines know this and in all likelihood have been right where you are at some point. Maybe not the same story, but needing someone to be with them in the moment. Maybe one day you can pay that forward!

[Lauren17]

Thank you so much for the kind and supportive words.
Sometimes, it feels like my 3D support team (therapist, lawyer, family) forgets I'm not dealing with a rational person. That's when I think about calling the hotline.
Sometimes, I feel like my Out of the FOG support team are the only ones who truly understand.

[JustKathy]

Sometimes, I feel like my Out of the FOG support team are the only ones who truly understand.

I feel the same way about this forum.

As for your lawyer, he might understand it but doesn't consider it relevant. I'm currently working with a lawyer myself on a family matter and have told him repeatedly to expect a certain response (or no response at all) because the person he's dealing with is disordered. The feeling I get from him is that he's sympathetic, but at the end of the day, it just doesn't matter. Lawyers look at things in black and white terms. Either you obey the law or you don't. Their job is to hold the other person accountable regardless of their mental state. If the person involved has a PD, it's not their problem.

The people who answer the phones at the hotlines aren't usually trained in dealing with specific PDs, but they'll listen to you and not judge. Calling a hotline is free and available 24/7, so if you find yourself in distress and need someone to talk to ASAP, that's the way to go.