Back after a long time...

[landslide]

I was here years ago. Maybe 8 years? 10? And... now I'm back. I was in counseling then. Will be again soon I imagine. Daughter of a narc mother. No contact four years ago. I was free. Then I obliviously married a narc husband. Baby was six weeks old on D-day, September 24 2020. Fallout. Revelation. The mask came off. Separated 95 days as of today. 

Struggling. Of anyone... how could I let this happen. A lot of just... shock? Disbelief? Fear. Fear of myself. The devastation is just... I can't believe I was able to actually go out in the world and ACTUALLY find worse than a narcissistic mother. I didn't know there WAS anything worse then that? (As far as in what is supposed to be a close relationship.)

Yeah I'm codependent I guess. Yeah I'm a people-pleaser. How do I change? How do I allow myself to feel good enough for a healthy person? How do I even get to where I can be attracted to a healthy person??? Anyone ever turned this around???

[xredshoesx]

i'm so sorry this happened but i'm glad you are reaching out.

i too thought being raised by my unstable and most likely PD mother would make me bulletproof and adept at finding those red flags in my other relationships.  i spent almost 7 long years with my ex and when i made that connection that he was the embodiment of my mother, got myself in therapy so i wouldn't make that mistake again.  you broke the generational curse when you got out BOTH TIMES.  never forget that and be gentle with yourself today.

[Boat Babe]

I'm so glad you're talking with us. We have your back.

You have your precious baby to love and raise, so you have a clear purpose in life. You have a clear sighted grasp of PD issues, which will help greatly with dealing with the fall out from this relationship. From the "spirit" of your post I think you have tremendous courage and resilience. I truly believe you will overcome this trauma, and your childhood one, and have a great life with your child.

Don't beat yourself up for falling for a narc, after having been raised by one. I've done it (twice) and most of us on this forum have done it. Based on their contributions, they're clued up, educated people. This is nothing to do with intellect. It's all subconscious, emotional stuff. Don't beat yourself up.

Do:

get as much support as you can to give you some rest. Ask people you trust. People like being asked to help.  Or ask someone to do your shopping or cook you a few meals for the freezer.

Eat as healthily as possible and grab a nap at any opportunity. Get out into the daylight, again as much as possible.

Practice self compassion as you process this. Learn to soothe your pain to move your healing forward. Comfort your inner child who is hurting like hell right now, along with the adult woman.

Even though it doesn't feel like it right now, you have so got this.