The Blame Game....

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

Here's my status:  Out of the FOG for almost 7 months; divorce pending, living with uSTBXBPH

It's very difficult to stop blaming him for the place I find myself - loosing my home because of our divorce (him not changing), my financial strain (because he doesn't work regularly and financially abuses me), and the emotional rollercoaster I am living in (because we have to live together until the house is sold or our lawyers come up with a plan).

I do find that GR and MC works, and I make the effort to keep doing it.  One day, I wrote on my hand "be quiet" so I remember to not respond to his ridiculousness.

He manipulated me, lied to me, and took advantage of all my strengths. 

I try to remember that I can only move forward and let go of the past.  A constant struggle.  Does it matter who owns what of the place we are in?  Probably not.

Focusing on today and what I need to do.  I dream of my future apartment, with him not in it.  It will happen...just not as soon as I'd like.

[square]

You're just not going to be able to really start healing until you are no longer living with him, and even until you are no longer tied to him (divorce final).

It's like he's been scratching at your arm for years and over time it's gotten to full on bleeding and even infected. It can't even scab over if he's still scratching at it.

I think you can go easy on yourself here. Right now your job is to survive as well as you can and get this situation resolved. It's good not to actively feed the ugly feelings but don't beat yourself up for having them. Later you'll be able to gain perspective.

The other thing is - those feelings are a part of healing, when it's time to really do that work. You have to acknowledge that pain. Kind of like letting the pus out of an infected wound, it heals better than just papering it over.

But not until he's stopped scratching at it!

[JustKeepTrying]

Square is right.  When it's all done and you have officially legally seperated from him - all those financial ties are cut - you are in your own place - you will begin to heal.  There will be a day when you look up and say - wow, i havn't thought about him for this many hours/days/months/years.

My divorce was final two years ago - 1/2/20.  Due to the pandemic, he continued to live in the house while i rented an apartment.  I am finally closing on the hosue this week.  No more ties to him and this past two years have been awful.  It's like it's over but it's not.  And the financial abuse was and is so very real. 

You are going to feel it all and you are entitled to.  You will make it through though.  There will be an end.

I can see that you are strong and I know you can get through this.