The last string is cut

[JustKeepTrying]

I have been divorced for almost two years - 1/2/20.  But with the pandemic and my health, I agreed to wait to sell our home.  I have my small apartment and I thought my son could spend his last year of high school in his home but xOCPDh kicked him out just prior to school starting.  Then he refused to move out.  I had agreed in writing (email) and even though I agreed for specific reasons - my son and the market being poor - and those reasons were gone - he still refused to move until this fall.  So he moved out and left me a nightmare to clean up.  Open bags of maggoty garbage sitting in closets; mold and mildew; home repairs he said he did but I found a leaky roof and holes in the walls; stains that I can't explain - More than 30 lawn and leaf bags of garbage plus a dumpster later the house was on the market and sold.  Finally.

I close today.  And that will be the last string that holds us together after 32 years of marriage.

He is refusing to pay his portion of the repairs.  Claiming them against our low taxes that he said he would cover but I didn't get that in writing.  All in all, I'm out about 10,000 and he is nitpicking it down to the penny.  Typical OCPD.  I'm ready to throw in the towel and concede just to be done with it which is what I am sure he knew would happen.  I would have to pay more for an attorney to argue for it so I am going to eat it and use the house proceeds to cover it.  Sigh.

It's ok though.  I just finished a six-week solo camping trip - on double canes and wobbly - but I did it.  I am going to proceed with my overall plan of moving to full-time travel.  Keep my expenses low and try to heal.  I found such peace on the trip.  So much joy and my confidence was high.  My ex called me every other day and I found it easier to deal with him while doing what I loved than sitting here in my small apartment staring at another gray sky. 

So it will be finally over and I feel like I can move on.  Like it's real and over and finished and I am new again.  The thing is - I realized as I sit on the edge of poverty - that money is just money.  Yes, it can buy security but security can look different for each person.  Let him have it - I value my freedom from his chaos more.

[bloomie]

JustKeepTrying - wow! Such resiliency and wisdom in this update. You write so well that I can imagine you in this peaceful, settled season in your life living as you choose and valuing your freedom and the adventures that you have already experienced, but that await you.

Wishing you the most beautiful of days ahead in your new life!

[Poison Ivy]

I agree with Bloomie.

[notrightinthehead]

Congratulations seem in order Justkeeptrying! And when the house is sold you can finally block him on your phone and go NC after all these years. Imagine the sunsets without his calls.

[Kat54]

Everyday feeling happy and at peace would make anyone rich. Money doesn't buy that feeling, it's priceless.

[Boat Babe]

Last year I was chatting with my neighbour who also lives on the river. We are both in our sixties, have small incomes and live on converted canal boats. On paper we are poor and precarious. We ended up laughing about societal expectations because we know we are very lucky, have full lives with loving, healthy connections (him slightly more than me but he had an idyllic childhood so had a headstart in that arena) and are mostly content and at peace. The river and the surrounding countryside are quietly beautiful (these are the flatlands) and I never tire of it.  What the future holds is anybody's guess but right now, it's good.

I am so glad you have made this amazing leap of faith. It's very audacious you know. You can be very proud of yourself. You will learn so much.

You must have seen the film Nomadsland. If not, I highly recommend it. Very best of luck.

[JustKeepTrying]

Thank you everyone for the support.

I have seen Nomadsland Boat Babe.  There is a scene where she is camping at what they call the wall.  Its a piece of Bureau of Land Management land and camping is free.  The whole place is the seperation of the grasslands to the badlands so it's a wall of rock that drops down to the badlands and the view is incredible.  In the movie she is sitting in a camping chair and the close up on her face when she closes her eyes and she looks at peace.

I've been there and want to go back. And that is how I felt each night.

Sitting here in my apartment waiting for my youngest to return from his first semester of college - he gets in tonight.  I'm anxious, depressed, tired and just downright sad.  There hasn't been a glimmer of blue sky in three weeks.  I can't live like this and I miss my time on the road.

Now that all ties have been severed, and I no longer need to be here, I want to flee and heal and find peace.

Soon.  Very soon.

[Lauren17]

You've come a long way.
You've made difficult choices.
You've done many very brave things.
I'm impressed with the strength you've shown.
I hope you find some joy in the visit with your son.
I wish you well.