Fell for it again

[cgr68311]

Around end of October exNPD mom contracted Covid (unvaccinated), she had a very rough time from the get go, SOB etc. None of her friends helped her and she reached out. I sent a nurse practitioner over and she provided her antibody treatment which pretty much saved her.

I had DS3 for about two weeks while she recovered. Then when it was time to hand him back to xNPD mom, her roommate also became Covid positive.

Since neither of us wanted DS3 to contract Covid, she suggested to stay in my place until her roommate was all clear. I was ok with the decision since I could stay at my parents. Also have nothing in my place that could trigger her.

Everything went fine for two weeks or so. She made up her parenting time those two weeks and I stayed at my parents. Once her roommate was clear she moved out and also everything went well. She did however rearranged a lot of things and threw away a lot of stuff including kitchen utensils etc. She's antivax organic obsessed and thus said that she had to throw away a lot of my utensils and other things that 'leach' chemicals but that she would go to the store and buy everything she threw away.

Also before leaving she said she was very appreciative and she wanted us to continue collaborating since she still wasn't feeling that great. For example, she said that most Sundays when she has DS3 she cries because she feels 'stuck' because she can't do anything with her single friends and her mom friends don't want her around on Sundays because that's when they spend time with their husbands etc. So she suggested we do a little more collaboration on those days, such as watching DS3 while she goes to the gym or go shopping etc.

I didn't say much but was glad she was moving out of my place. The following week she kept inviting me to places, to do some shopping or to watch our little one but never followed through which it's normal for her.

She also suggested we worked again on potty training the little one  (which I had been doing already but she had not). So I said sure I'll start this week and so I did, so did not send him to daycare and just practiced potty for 4 days in a row and had a lot of success. During that time I sent her updates. During my parenting time she works 12 hour shifts and still she usually replies or communicates but not this time. She went completely silent after the video updates I sent where DS3 sat on potty and pooped for the first time.

Everyone of my friends or grandparents I sent it to congratulated me, saying nice job etc. Not her. No word and also I sent her a few texts asking her if she could drop off all the stuff that was missing and also no reply or acknowledgment. I also expressed that I was very tired from training him. After not hearing from her for three days she finally called Saturday evening, it didn't go too well, we cursed each other out etc. When I complained about her not replacing my stuff she said I was acting like a 5 year old that I could go to the store myself and buy everything myself, etc. I also reminded her that I had been texting her that I was tired and needed my stuff and just couldn't go to the store and since she had suggested to help I was expecting her to help. She said that I am very entitled for being upset.

Then Sunday early morning I was definitely exhausted. I needed a break, and since she had offered to help and she wasn't working that day, I called her very early around 6:30am to see if she could watch him for a couple hours. When she picked up the phone she sounded quite awake and I asked 'hey what are you doing' she said going to yoga. I'm not the most tactful person (I admit) so I responded 'well why instead of going to your F yoga, don't you come help me for a bit?'

She hanged up and that was that. However couple hours later she calls and puts me on speaker, and says that she would like to 'talk to me', it smelled fishy so I asked if she was recording me and said no, but I suspected she had someone or her roommate present, so was very cautious about anything I said.

She then starts to say that she's very concerned that I called her right as she was leaving to yoga and that makes her think I'm stalking her, and that she will go to court if I continue. At that point I hanged up and then she left me a voicemail saying the same and also saying that she will go to court if I continue and that also she will go to court for other 'pending things' cs etc. She also said that although I was very nice to her last few weeks she now felt unsafe and figured that since I was upset that I stalked her after not hearing from her for a few days.

As I have said before, I fight fire with fire because that's the only way (other than sticking to my boundaries) to make her stop. So instead of calling her back and try to reason or explain anything, I simply texted her  a pic of me and my new friend and said "I'm only interested in Coparenting" and "FYI my landlord cameras record All driveway activity". I said this because if I had been stalking her at 6am the cameras would show I left.

After sending those two texts she has no longer communicated. She was a no show at our Sunday night exchange so I had to call her and she sounded like she was sleeping/crying. Finally she picked him up.

We've been separated for 1 year and a half. She lives a completely separate life and so do I. In fact that same Sunday night I went out on a date with my friend and all went well.

I don't know anything about her life except the things that she shares about her various male and female friends etc but doesn't share names and I do not and have not bothered to ask.

So everyone understands the logic for me sending her that pic, I feel if I had not done that, she would have continued to threaten me with stalking accusations etc. Thus it was meant to show her I'm moving on and have no desire to be chasing her or obsessed with her. Everything I did while she was sick was out of Good Samaritan and nothing more.

My counselor has previously told me and helped me overcome an issue I had with fabricating stories in my head, stories not based on facts, and that has been helpful to stay factual and control my temper so I will instead ask people for facts instead of assuming and believing my own version of things. Still have work to do though.

However exNPD on the other hand, she fabricates stories but based on previous incidents, I don't think she believes her own stories like I do, but instead she makes these stories to either one up me or divert from the real issue being discussed (her throwing away my stuff and not replacing it).

She has used this type of accusation techniques  to break up with me last year, accusing me of cheating with our neighbors etc. No matter what I did to disprove her, she didn't care she said I was cheating and that I had to move out. I even took a polygraph to show her back then that I wasn't lying and still didn't believe or refused to believe. She said she had proof I was cheating and in an attempt to save my family I offered her my savings (around 50k) if she produced her proof to me. She refused.

This stalking accusation situation I felt was  similar so I had to nip it in the bud right away.

[cgr68311]

I talked to a psychotherapist today and relayed the same story. At the end of the session, I simply asked, who has NPD here, her, me or both? He said he doesn't get very excited about labeling people with diagnosis such as NPD, he believes we all have a little NPD, so displaying one or two traits doesn't automatically classify someone as NPD, such as in this case me being angry doesn't make me entitled, or making false accusations is not exactly NPD by itself but definitely shows coparent not mentally stable.

[Penny Lane]

A good reminder that boundaries are necessary even when the other parent needs help. You let her stay in your house and she threw out your things! And then when you asked her for help she accused you of stalking her!

Once again I say, parallel parenting is the ONLY way to coparent with a PD.