Im just a daughter trying to help her Mom

[MtnTopT]

A friendly hello to everyone     As I started to peruse the forum.  I realized I didn't know which topic I should post my first question under.  So two birds with one stone... here I am.  I will explain what's going on for us in my intro.  Maybe a kind soul will then point me in the right topic direction    Two years ago I went to visit my mom.  That "visit" lasted the next 18 months!  I had absolutely no prior life experience with health problems of ANY KIND.  I took the school of hard knocks CRASH course in EVERYTHING.  Mom had lost a large portion of her memory and was struggling with all aspects of daily life.  We had HORRIBLE luck with doctors.  And mom's personality was toxic & extremely difficult to deal with.  I had no other family or personal resources to draw help from.  Saying it was HARD... doesn't do it justice.. lol.  Finally after many battle scars, I was able to get mom to agree to see a general practitioner who then referred us to a Neurologist.  I was desperate & so hopeful for help of ANY kind.  I quickly found out how sadly doctors are lacking in that department these days.  We dutifully did all the tests (EEG, MRI's etc).  After each one I thought maybe we would finally know what was wrong with her.  Well folks... her diagnosis came from my reading her Summery Visit report.  No one even told us... Late Onset Alzheimer's!!  But there it was in black & white.  Oh and all her tests... came back with 'NORMAL' readings.  So wait.... how does that work?  But I had no one to ask.  So from that point until just last week... we have lived every day with Alzheimers.  For those that have dealt with this... you know what that does to a heart and mind..    After a year+ had passed.  The toxic nature of living with my mom had taken a huge toll on me.  I had to find a different way of doing this.  I finally poured my heart out on a local forum.. for help.  I get teary now recalling it all.  But I was so lucky to have two private caregivers respond.  I will never be able to repay my debt of gratitude them!  We just moved one into mom's house over Thanksgiving.     We found a NEW neurologist and had our second visit with him last week.  I had given him copies of all her previous tests taken by the previous doctor.  He told us after looking at them... he didn't know WHERE the diagnosis of Alzheimer's came from.  He saw no signs of it from those tests!!!!!   I am still struggling with the complexity of emotions and confusion from hearing that.  OF course I am thrilled beyond ALL that its NOT.  He then asked my mom if she ever considered seeing a psychologist.  Because there are mental issues that can cause the same or similar symptoms of Alzheimer's.   Folk's you have to understand that my mom doesn't take kindly to having "mental issues".  She is old school to the core... and will deny it ... til her dying day.  Even though I have witnessed her struggle with depression my ENTIRE life.  And suffered along with her from it.  Its been a roller coaster ride from "HELL".  I had many questions I wanted to ask the doctor that day... but had to hold them back.  To prevent a WWIII .  The doctor sensed the obvious tension and briefly described a medicine he thought might help.  Her caregiver finally got her to take one night before last.  I got a text from her yesterday saying "you might like to give your mom a call.  She is really clear headed today".   OMG for the first time in two years I " heard" my mom again"!!!      The difference was astounding!  She said when she woke she still felt off...then after a little nap.  She woke up feeling so clear..more like her old self!  Like the Fog had just lifted!!  Ever since our conversation I have had every finger & every other piece of my body I can cross tied up like a pretzel.  Praying that it will LAST!!  That it wasn't just a "good day".   When I saw the name of this site.. Out of the FOG.  It seemed like fate... lol  I need help understanding more about how memory loss and cognitive abilities are lost due to mental issues.  And has anyone here experienced something similar to what Ive described here?    Any advice on where and what to do from here is welcome and very much appreciated  !!!  I look forward to meeting and sharing with everyone.  Thanks for listening too 

[bloomie]

MtnTopT - Hi there and welcome to Out of the FOG. I am thankful you have found us and hope we have some resources and insights that can support you as you journey forward.

I can closely relate to your experiences with your mother and the impact that potential psychological problems may have on her cognitive abilities. In my own case, my mother had shown signs of a personality disorder, depression, and had addictions issues throughout her life. Undiagnosed and untreated - though her addiction issues were an attempt to self medicate.

So, when she began to show memory impairment and personality changes it was hard to know what the physiological initiator was. She was eventually diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's disease and that was an appropriate diagnosis in her case, sadly - getting to that answer and then figuring out her care and getting cooperation for treatment was a nightmare as it required the cooperation of both of my parents, who had a long history of very difficult and often toxic behaviors and limited coping.

What you are in the midst of can be confusing, exhausting, and can consume your energy and reserves on every level. We may not be able to fully address your question of the relationship between the loss of cognitive abilities and mental illness what we can do is support you and encourage you as you build a toolset and strategies for your mom's behaviors that are difficult.

We have a board that is specifically for those who are dealing with elderly parents' behaviors that may be a mixture of mental illness, natural decline related to aging, and disordered thinking that is preexisting. You will find good conversations and help in that sub forum along with some resources for caregivers and adult children that you may find helpful.

That board is found here: https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?board=37.0
Resources are found here: https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=68854.0

Another really good and comprehensive handbook type of resource that has been put together by the State of New York that I highly recommend is found here: https://omh.ny.gov/omhweb/cogdys_manual/cogdyshndbk.pdf

Here is an excerpt and what I think may be a hopeful message as your mothers' mental health issues are addressed:

Mental illness affects many people, but what most do not realize is that it does not just cause emotional problems – it causes cognitive problems too. The person with mental illness may find it difficult to think clearly, pay attention and remember. For some, the cognitive problems are only evident during the episodes of illness. For others, the cognitive problems are more persistent. If mental illness is managed well, the person can lead a more productive life and have longer periods of stability. To better manage an illness it is important to understand the many ways it affects functioning. When people know what the cognitive symptoms of mental illness are, they can better manage the illness and function better.

(source linked above)

Some practical and good help is found in the drop down menus above in the toolbox and Personality Disorders information. There are other online resources and links all over the board that are so helpful and most of all, the conversations taking place on the forum boards have been such a help to me as I began to live within the limits everyone of us must learn to set when faced with a loved one's needs that are so overwhelming we could lose ourselves in them if we are not careful to set boundaries and take good care of ourselves.

I look forward to seeing you out here on the boards and hope the improvement continues in your mother's health. Again, welcome!