Finally Joined!

[Foggy]

Finally joined! - I have been aware of the site for a long time but didn't register until now. This is my intro post. Background is married to BPD/NPD for over 30 years -- two adult sons no longer at home. Started seeing some dysfunction when they were young but did not make the connection to BPD/NPD until they were in their teens. The situation is no doubt worse as wife has a separate long term health condition. I have experienced the full range of relative normalcy in our family to the episodes of raging craziness when I wish I could just push the pause button on life to reset and find our way back to relative normal. I have become somewhat numb to the dysfunction and try not to engage or try to reason with the NPD. I seem to easily fall into the trap of thinking everything is OK only to be hit again with the craziness. We have tried several different therapists (both of us together) but all were abandoned (or the therapist stopped seeing us) for lack of improvement.

What I'm here for ... help.  Help by sharing experiences. Help with avoiding or containing (if possible) the meltdowns. Help for me so that I no longer do or say things I don't think are right just to calm the situation. Also looking for resources on how to find a qualified therapist (for me) among the dozens available in my area.

Thanks for listening!

[GentleSoul]

Welcome, Foggy. 

Glad to have you join us.

You mention containing meltdowns, with my late uPD husband I found a really helpful tool to use was Medium Chill. 

Me using this completely changed our home.  It was able to become a calm.  You will find this technique in the Toolbox section on the title bar above.

I hope you find it helps you too.

[bloomie]

Hi and welcome. I am so sorry for the circumstances you are living in, and yet, grateful you are reaching out  for support and insights.

You may have already taken a tour of the toolbox and drop down menu info at the top of the page, but in case you have not, that is a good jumping in place to begin to build a toolset that is in line with you own core values in how to respond to the rages and uncertainty with your spouse's behaviors.

We have a great collection of other online resources and book recommendations that you may also find a good help to you. They are found here:

Other Media Resources
Book Reviews

The conversations taking place on the forum boards have been a great help to me, and I hope when you are ready, you will join the conversations and that the connection and understanding will be validating and empowering to you.

Keep coming back! It helps to lighten a very heavy load.