Hate campaign still ongoing after 6 years even though there's grey rock from me

SailBoatOnBay · December 15, 2021, 12:35:38 PM

The relationship between a sibling and I broke down a number of years ago. It happened after a row between us. She's gone full on nuclear since then with me. She fell out with others in the family too over different issues. Imo they were minor and petty issues but she blew everything out of proportion and clung onto so much no matter how minor and irrelevant.

Our relationship is extremely conflicted. A lot this conflict is one sided and mainly driven by her. She reads too much into non issues, develops issues and points out of thin air, and carried everything around forever.

She's been ignored, grey rocked and blocked for years. I simply do not have time for her or her drama or upset feelings. I realise I could bend to my knees and give her everything that she wants and discuss her feelings and explain my existence to her and it still won't be good enough for her.

All these years later, she still has a lot of energy and focus on me and also others on the family. It seems as of she likes to go from one to the other with her ramblings. Although she is blocked, she filters through with fake profiles or through other people like friends and employers. For example she remembered friends from our youth and made contact with them to stick her issues against me to them. She's been trashing me to my employer all year. I took necessary action already with my employer but it's still difficult every time they come to me with new messages from her.

The relevant professionals have refused to help me and my family as in the police and lawyers. The police wants violence from her before they take action and lawyers need me to have at 15000 to take an injunction through the courts. In my jurisdiction there's no other civil action to be taken because we are not spouses or ex lovers. There's more civil law available under family law.

It's complicated between us. Reading between the lines of what she sent me she wants me to engage with her and explain myself during the time I had a row with her. I tried explaining to her before and apologising but she rebutted everything. There's simply no explanation except for a period of stress from me and frayed nerves. This will never be good enough for her.

For years me and my family have been the brunt of so much revenge tactics from her.

I'm afraid because there's no end in sight from her. There been recent communications from her and it was vile and vulgar. I am afraid because I know she's not finished with me. You're talking about 6 years of abuse so far which has increased over the past 3 and half years and it's still ongoing.

I feel sick.

Has anyone else been in this position as me and what can be done to stop it?

Starboard Song · December 15, 2021, 02:45:09 PM

Wow. It is hard to stop.

We were worried about that, but it hasn't happened. My in-laws only trash us in annual Christmas letters to the family, and nobody takes her seriously, so we are good.

I am very sorry for what you are enduring.

happygoat · December 16, 2021, 06:00:51 PM

That's so sad. She must be so desperate. How did she get to your employer? Did she call them or send letters? Sounds really creepy.

Hate campaigns are such a sad waste of time and life.

Six years at Grey Rock is stout! I commend your discipline applaud your healing!

Happygoat

SailBoatOnBay · December 17, 2021, 08:55:02 AM

Wow. It is hard to stop.

We were worried about that, but it hasn't happened. My in-laws only trash us in annual Christmas letters to the family, and nobody takes her seriously, so we are good.

I am very sorry for what you are enduring.

It's very difficult living like this. I'm not able to please her and I had to take a step back from the relationship. She's been in the same place she was 6 years ago with revenge and punishment. It appears as if its hormonal because it seems as if she raises her head about once a month. I would be living my life and then bang, she strikes again.

If she was to leave her trash within the family, it wouldn't be so bad because nobody takes her seriously anymore but she delved down other paths of employer and friends too.

I feel sick with all of this.

SailBoatOnBay · December 17, 2021, 09:29:14 AM

Quote from: happygoat on December 16, 2021, 06:00:51 PM
That's so sad. She must be so desperate. How did she get to your employer? Did she call them or send letters? Sounds really creepy.

Hate campaigns are such a sad waste of time and life.

Six years at Grey Rock is stout! I commend your discipline applaud your healing!

Happygoat

I don't understand. She was the one who implemented the estrangement at first but it looks to me as if it was done for control and attention. Perhaps she wanted me to respond and run after her.

She first made the threat of contacting my employer back in 2017. I thought it was just that a threat but eventually she followed through. The sickening thing is that she didn't leave it at that. She continued because there were several times of contact since then. It's done by letter and Facebook messager.

I'm so sick of it now because she should have felt satisfied after the first or the second time she did it but she's not.

There's been recent contact lately and there's an unwritten word that she's not finished with me yet. You'd swear I killed her cat or something else equally as horrible.

goodgirl · December 17, 2021, 10:38:34 AM

QuoteI don't understand. She was the one who implemented the estrangement at first but it looks to me as if it was done for control and attention. Perhaps she wanted me to respond and run after her.

Going through somewhat similar with my NBro right now: after my grey rock reply to some of his crazy resulted in his telling me to never contact him again unless it's to report on our mom. Since then, he's sent threatening texts demanding my response immediately, then abusive VMs and texts when I kept my silence.

SailBoatOnBay · December 17, 2021, 11:48:45 AM

Quote from: goodgirl on December 17, 2021, 10:38:34 AM
QuoteI don't understand. She was the one who implemented the estrangement at first but it looks to me as if it was done for control and attention. Perhaps she wanted me to respond and run after her.

Going through somewhat similar with my NBro right now: after my grey rock reply to some of his crazy resulted in his telling me to never contact him again unless it's to report on our mom. Since then, he's sent threatening texts demanding my response immediately, then abusive VMs and texts when I kept my silence.

This is similar to me. I feel the estranged sibling wants to control me to serve her feelings, her emotions and her ego. There was always unwritten threats in her messages to me and others in the family.

SailBoatOnBay · December 17, 2021, 11:53:30 AM

I'm writing here for help in getting this to stop. She has no right to send my employer messages that is now bordering on harassment of another individual outside of the family. My employer hasn't taken steps in blocking her and this fuels her into continuing.

My employer doesnt know half of what that woman put me and our family through before she went down desperatation route of my employer. At this stage I think my employer is fuelling it by not blocking her.

How can she be stopped?

goodgirl · December 17, 2021, 12:36:52 PM

Have you told your employer outright, "My sister has a personality disorder, and this harassment is likely to continue" and just ask them directly to please block her? You don't have to get into the nitty gritty of all the crazy, but just share the basics: Sister has a mental disorder, it's not treatable, she will not stop this behavior unless you actually prevent it.

SailBoatOnBay · December 17, 2021, 01:48:32 PM

Quote from: goodgirl on December 17, 2021, 12:36:52 PM
Have you told your employer outright, "My sister has a personality disorder, and this harassment is likely to continue" and just ask them directly to please block her? You don't have to get into the nitty gritty of all the crazy, but just share the basics: Sister has a mental disorder, it's not treatable, she will not stop this behavior unless you actually prevent it.

My employer knows that's there's something up with her. I told her as well before. The employer read the messages and reads between the lines that this person is damaged. My employer is in the medical field so she already kinda knows that's there's something there with the sister. I asked my employer before to block her but she won't. Because my employer works in a medical field she thinks she has a sense of duty in case the person threatens suicide but the sister has t done that yet.

What my employer doesnt know is that it's an avenue that is left wide open for my sibling to abuse whenever she sees fit. It's about once a month now.

Thanks for your reply. I think I will take your reply and have chat with the employer. I might have to print out some of the material she has sent into my phone and the harassment to the others in the family too. Just throw it down there. My employer is the only one keeping it going now.

Boat Babe · December 17, 2021, 02:05:44 PM

I don't know what country you live in but there is probably some workplace legislation that says that employers have a duty of care, or somesuch, towards their employees. Your boss needs to understand that this is abuse by proxy.

LemonLime · December 17, 2021, 02:33:30 PM

If you haven't yet, get HR in on the meeting with your employer.
They know legal stuff better than your employer probably does
Good luck. This sucks.

moglow · December 17, 2021, 02:55:47 PM

I don't know there's anything you can do to stop her, particularly when it comes to her contact with other people. That's completely out of your hands. They can choose to block her (or not) and it's all between them and her, same if she weren't your sister. As a business they may be able to report her contact as harassment, and possibly stop it through that avenue.

I'd meet with them and ask that employer please leave me out of it, and not even tell me she makes any contact with them at all. Nothing she could possibly say to others is anything you need to know. You blocked and stay away from her for good reason and they can see why. She's unstable and volatile, if they choose to continue, honestly not your stuff.

daughter · December 17, 2021, 07:03:37 PM

Rather than expensive injunction-related attorney services, I'd opt for attorney letter to your employer, noting that your sister is a personality-disordered individual who has contacted your employer multiple times, with malicious intent to smear your good name and intentionally jeopardize your good standing as its employee. I think this letter needs to be in your HR file and in hands of your senior supervisor. Your employer may decide to elevate issue with police, if need be.

Boat Babe · December 18, 2021, 04:34:54 AM

happygoat · December 18, 2021, 09:57:02 AM

"She's been ignored, grey rocked and blocked for years. I simply do not have time for her or her drama or upset feelings. I realise I could bend to my knees and give her everything that she wants and discuss her feelings and explain my existence to her and it still won't be good enough for her."

So sorry. I thought that meant the family went NC with her. So sorry she did that creepy stuff to you. I am coming to understand that their are no laws against cruelty. Unfortunately the compassion that would make her stop would keep her from doing vindictive things to you in the first place. Just remember that NO ONE deserves to be treated like that.

I have just the reverse. I am NC but my family wont leave me alone. Understanding that a lot of what they do is just ingrained and not intentional has helped me. I did not create this dysfunction but they didn't either.

Do you ever question your NC decision?

Take care,
Happygoat