Boxing Day S#!¥show

[Hattie]

Xmas eve and Xmas day went OK.... but Boxing Day...omg!

First off, nMum left a load of legal papers relating to my split with my ex in my room. It was 3 years ago so totally unnecessary! Then she asked that I remove all of my childhood belongings from her house. I got pretty annoyed at this stage so then had to deal with loads of gaslighting comments from nMum and flying monkeys.. eventually I blew my top at my fairly blameless brother... apologised... Gathered several boxes of childhood belongings and loaded into the car... said goodbye to the rest of the family...

And then NMum told me she was thinking of moving across the country to my town 

I ended up totally dissociated to the point that I got lost twice in the way home, even though it is a route I have driven hundreds of times.

Unloaded all my childhood belongings into my house and shut the door

Now chilling on the sofa with fur baby and feeling restored to sanity. What a day

[Sneezy]

Now chilling on the sofa with fur baby and feeling restored to sanity. What a day

Thank goodness for our fur babies.  I'm sorry your mom treated you so poorly.  She should have been happy and grateful that you drove so far to see her.  And if she really wants to clean out some things, there is definitely a nicer way, and a better time, to bring it up.

Do you think she really plans on moving near you?  Or is this some kind of a "test" to see how you react? 

[Boat Babe]

Gargh. They never stop do they. I'm sorry she did this and hope you're feeling better today. The moving thing sounds like an empty threat so please don't dwell on it.  Sending hugs.

[Hattie]

Thanks so much, Sneezy! Yes, I agree, it is fair enough for her to want to have a clear out, but not to drop it on me at Christmas.

She is now getting to an age where she is wondering if her house and neighbourhood are suitable. She thinks she might be better moving somewhere where there are more amenities within walking distance, in case she can't drive in future. That is sensible, but doesn't require her moving to my town!

I have set a low contact boundary with her over the last 18 months and have only seen her twice in that time. So it is bizarre to think that she lives in some parallel universe where it is in any way advisable for her to move to be near me!

I think both the proposed move and the request to move my things out from her house are her acting out in response to my low contact boundary. Push pull dynamics I think 

It is just so frustrating that she can't be happy with what I have to give, ie. Two days of my time and energy, and a nice Christmas present, and leave it at that. She always has to push me until I am so triggered I dissociate and feel terrible.

Boat Babe- thanks for your reply also. No they really never let up, even at Christmas!  It is good to have it reflected that the moving thing is likely an empty threat. I am inclined to agree. I already went through this with her once before, around 15 years ago after my dad died. That time, she decided to stay put in the end, so I expect she will now also.

[Cat of the Canals]

And then NMum told me she was thinking of moving across the country to my town 

My husband and I moved far away from our toxic FOOs a few years ago. I already have a response to this locked and loaded, should either set of parents suggest moving here (and yes, I'm that paranoid about it).

"Oh really? What a coincidence, we were just talking about moving ourselves!"

If they ask where to, throw out a few different suggestions, but remain evasive as to timeframe. I figure if I can keep them from thinking of us as a "landing pad" it might keep their plan from every really solidifying into something real.

[Hattie]

Cat- nice idea!  I have been living in the same place for about 20 years so I'm not sure that would be too convincing but I could give it a try... "the freedom of home working".. . "Digital nomad"