Medium Chill and Grey Rock with children in the house

[escapingman]

So earlier today we had this therapy session, she cried her eyes out wanting to end her life. Now she has bought new kitchen appliances and wants me to chose which ones to keep with her. I really give up. What's going on in her head?

[hhaw]

If your wife has made threats and to end her life..... seriously look at having her taken in for evaluation.

It sounds like she's inferred leaving the world which "would be better off without her."

Pretty clear to me what she meant and maybe she made more direct statements at home?  I don't know.  You do. 

Remember you're forming a legal case based on your evidence, witness statements, documents and recordings which will be "interpreted" by both attorneys.

You should avoid sounding like you're pushing stbx's buttons BC you're recording.

Remember you're under the microscope too, not just the stbx.

Your actions and words should be impeccable, showing the court your position in this with clarity and brevity.

That's why it's so important to avoid screaming and acting like a disordered person too.  The PD driving you over any edge is a win for her and a huge loss for you, bc she takes herself and her behaviors out if the hot seat....no.  You take her back it and put yourself in.

Again, go over your evidence.  Pull the strongest stuff.....tapes where you look neutral and helpful while the stbx loses her shot at you in front of the kids.... at the kids....THE ones showing clear evidence opposing counsel will be unable to skew, in my there words.  Tapes with the children broken and howling with you attempting to mitigate and calm.....the stbx creating trauma with entitlement and zero care for the children.

Remember, you aren't a combative litigant smearing your stbx.

You're an overwhelmed husband and parent realizing your wife's behaviors are dangerous to herself and your children.  You realize her conduct isn't manageable and you now believe it's not going to get better the way things stand.  You tried very hard to make things ok, but it's clear the harm to the children is escalating and they need help now.

Divorce discussions have escalated your wife's unstable/erratic and harmful behaviors in front of and TO the children. 

STBX threatening to harm herself is a threat you have the take seriously and so you're acting with compassion to get her the help she needs.  You want to get stbx through her mental health crisis so she can be the very best mother she can be.

Always speak about and to the stbx with compassion.

If you sound like a baiting little manipulative snit on your tapes.....you will be perceived that way.

If you have stbx sectioned, you and your behaviors will be up for scrutiny too, in some form. 

You're posturing and telling a story you can back up consistently....no.....back up without fail, always.

You're ur stbx will lash out, make many accusations without evidence in every direction, focusing on punishing you and weaponizing the children.

You must avoid being viewed as a combatant in a messy divorce, ime. 

If your u remain level, ask for logical things while showing evidence for your requests and always prioritize the children's emotional safety, getting yourself AND wife the help you need....while the stbx's actions back up your evidence......you have the best chance to receive the best possible outcome outcome.

Time is short.  Strategy is required here.  Trust your cabinet members.....whoever you put your trust in and stick with the plan.

The first time you shift your intentions or plan, bc the stbx us making promises or threats....... it's a very slippery slope leading out of clean snow (altering your reactive behaviors) into mud and madness, ime which is you believing you have any control over your stbx, other than exerting control through the courts at this point.

You tried appeasing stbx.  It didn't work.

Time to use the courts to it's fullest potential without dragging your PD history and reactivity, and which is a part of how you and your family go t to this juncture.

People understand the frog in hit water.... you're the frog in now boiling water.  You tried to fix this.  You realize you couldn't.  You're now asking the courts and mental health professionals to help everyone without blaming your wife. 

You're job is to lay out facts, without expectation, and prove those facts so the listeners can come to their own conclusions.

You're hoping the facts and the stbx's pathology will provide clear and convincing evidence for the courts to give you the reasonable relief you'll be asking for which will always prioritize the children's welfare and your ex being the best parent she can be.

Stbx will always prioritize blaming and demonizing you.

Make sure not to provide the evidence stbx needs to shift focus to you being THE problem.  That's how you play this.

BTW, my opinion, based on what I know, is having your stbx sectioned gives you better positioning to be heard, understood and protect your children with economy of motion. 

I don't have experience with mental health holds, I don't know the UK's rules and laws or what evidence you curated, so work with your lawyer to hammer out the best plan possible.

Good luck and keep breathing.....SEE through other board members' lenses to get your nose off the pebble.

[hhaw]

It's considered normal to have people threatening suicide taken in for a psych hold, ime.

[escapingman]

She is really wearing me down now, but I am holding. These phases after her last kick off where is pretends all is fine is killing me. Meeting booked with solicitor for Friday. Hope to be strong enough to actually get some action in this escape.