What a day

[Pepin]

  I'm reeling.  As I wrote in the Elderly section, DPD MIL has had a sad health setback and she'll never be the same - which for me, means I am now relatively safe from her.  But.  The other in-laws....omg. 

One in particular decided to worm their way out and express sadness over the situation.  I haven't heard from this in-law for quite some time - thinking they had gone dark on me - for what, I don't know.  They pressed me for details about DPD MIL and I almost didn't answer.  I let their text sit before answering it and I kept it really neutral.  Wasn't going to add in any emotion or ask how they were doing.  None of that.  Gave the basic details of the situation. 

What I learned was that they had been in our area on a regular basis (even up to two days ago)  - without having reached out once.  Not once.  Huh.  Our kids used to be so tight amongst all the cousins.  This hurts.  A lot.  But hey, at least I see the truth now and can respond accordingly.  No place for them in my life going forward.  Shutting that door.

And ugh...all the other jackals coming out of the wood work to express sadness yet at the same time I know they are going to start asking questions about DPD MIL's estate.  Glad they won't get anywhere with their dumb questions because it's all tight.  Ugh.

The point of my meandering rant here is that it just takes one person - one toxic person - to turn an entire family system upside down.  And she did it - DPD MIL did it.  She pushed everyone away from each other rather than bringing us closer.  It's such a sad day for her...and for us as we move forward dealing with the aftermath of her unfortunate situation. 

I've always been my husband's supporter but omg this is going to be a different level where I am really going to have to be a bad ass b*tch to fend off these jackals that call themselves family.  Please give me strength.

[Hilltop]

Sorry for the stressful situation.  I would hand over any questions about the estate to DH, it's his family.  I would concentrate on supporting him.

It's interesting in families isn't it, like you say it just takes one toxic person and a family can be turned upside down.  Is it worth it in the end? I look at my inlaws, my own FOO and I don't think so.  I don't see the point of any of it, having a family only to have that family estranged from each other, what an absolute waste of time.  I get in some families it may just be that certain people don't get along but in our families where the MIL has actively turned people against each other, what is the point. 

At least you are safe from her.  That is the most important thing.  I would be there for your DH, let the family be there for MIL.

[bloomie]

Pepin - what a sad turn of events for everyone. I am just so sorry to hear this. Sending you strength and wisdom as you navigate this and can't help but think of all of the hard work you have done to build tools and coping and insights is going to keep you steady! And when/if you wobble... we are here for you!