It's already starting...

[D.Dan]

My divorce will be finalized next week. 

My stbxh is now contacting me through email (for child visitation arrangements between us). He just couldn't wait until we were finally divorced before trying to start messing with me again!

He sent a confusing email about the visitation centre and increasing his time with kids. It didn't make sense though. I think he's trying to get me to either do the arrangements for him, or just trying to force me to contact him for clarification.

Too bad!  It's not my job to babysit him anymore, and seeing as it sounds like nothing has changed for visitation I'm just gonna not respond. 

He also seems to be trying to portray himself as being confused how our relationship broke down (even though I told him), that he cares about my wellbeing, and that I should care how his parents are doing. 

He's also trying to portray himself as too poor to live on his own (he's never lived on his own) conveniently forgetting that I took care of the finances before and have an idea of how much he makes, how much per month he hides and how much he pays towards all his bills...

He offered to meet or chat later...  NO WAY!!!
It's almost like we're dating again! This gives me the Heebie jeebies.

[SonofThunder]

Hi D.Dan

Congratulations on the finalization of your divorce.  Very happy for you and my wishes for continued peace and healing!   Enjoy!

SoT

[blunk]

It's great to hear that things will be final soon. And good for you for refusing to engage in his nonsense!

[D.Dan]

I had to email him back because he was trying to get my information from my lawyer who refused to do it.

It was brief:
- my phone and cell numbers (they are the same as before and for emergencies only)
- that email is best (agreeing with him)
- only communicate about the kids
- I assume visitation will remain the same until he arranges something else

That was it. I wasn't rude or anything, but factual. I wrote as if a machine responded instead of a person, focusing only on what mattered and ignoring everything else.

I'm not going to start guessing what he was thinking, he's just gonna have to start explaining himself more clearly. 

[Boat Babe]

Good response. Avoid all phone contact. Keep moving. Nearly there.

[LiftingFog]

Congratulations and well done!

I agree with Boat Babe - text only, and only if it's about logistics with the kids, so you have a written record.

So happy for you!!

[D.Dan]

Update:

He sent another email, a little clearer but still confusing. It had the days and times he's available for longer visits... as if he expects ME to arrange the changes for him. 

He seems to be hinting for me to offer up my home for these visits (or possibly find him an alternative visit location for him) because he keeps mentioning not being able to use his parents house in every email. 

As if it was any of this was any concern to me. 

This was what he did while we were living together, have ME do all the work for him while he took all the benefits and credit!

[Lauren17]

Hi D. Dan.

Your post resonated with me. I, too, am getting confusing emails. And requests to chat. And implied problems that I should solve for him.

It sounds like you're doing well and your responses are dead on!

Are you aware of the term "post separation abuse"? I recommend you check it out. Knowledge is power.

[JustKeepTrying]

It's so easy to slip into that "I'll take care of it for you" and I applaud your approach and determination.

Congratulations!