Hoping for change...

[Marmiteh14]

Hi all,

I'm new, having been directed here by my therapist. I would say my mum is NPD with my dad being her enabler.
I've only recently, within the past year or so, been able to outwardly admit that my childhood was abusive. Previously I just thought I had the strictest parents I knew.

Its been hard coming to terms with it all, especially being mid-30s. There is definitely an element of embarrassment that it took me so long to notice.

But I'm trying now, and slowly but surely reducing contact so that I can reclaim my boundaries.

I'm so glad to have found this site and I really hope it'll help me and I can help others! X

[Starboard Song]

You are in the right place. Welcome.

You have actually figured things out pretty early. Many of us don't figure it out until much much later. We were in our mid-40s when a crisis exposed the worst nature of my in-laws.

You are already working on boundaries, and that is great. It is highly likely you have internal work to do as well, healing up some scarring that has probably occurred. The books in the first line of my signature are the ones that most helped my wife in her journey.

Remember there are lots of paths. Some people end up in an MC situation, while others go NC in the end. Still others maintain a high level of contact with healthy boundaries. You have to be your own judge of what is possible in your life, and of what will best affect your safety and happiness.

Check out all the great materials in our Toolbox, and we look forward to seeing you on the boards.

Welcome, again, to Out of the FOG.

[RainbowG]

I've only recently, within the past year or so, been able to outwardly admit that my childhood was abusive. Previously I just thought I had the strictest parents I knew.

Its been hard coming to terms with it all, especially being mid-30s. There is definitely an element of embarrassment that it took me so long to notice.

Please don't feel embarrassed. Admitting that you had an abusive childhood, especially when most or all of it was emotionally abusive rather than physically, is painful. I was 38 when I first understood it. The important thing is that you're receiving support from a therapist and you're here! 

If I may add another resource to Starboard Song's suggestions: Toxic Parents by Susan Forward was my breakthrough book. It really validated the abuse I'd gone through as a kid with two PDIs.

Stay strong!
Rainbow