Need Help, Confused, Hurting, Not Sure if its PD, Postpartum, ot PTSD, Aunt Flo,

[Jiminy Crickets]

Hello,
I am in a relationship with a possible uPD, maybe nPD or BPD or both.

We were both raised by parent(s) with major alcohoo issues. My mother, both her parents. My mothers style, belt it out, anger, control, a queen now a waif. My father, no alcohol, but maybe a nPD father? Emotionally constrained a la classic male condition ing. Her parents, both drinkers, maybe coke back in the day? Repressed people that are about appearance s and ignoring the pain, or emotional neglect. My partner, who is now my babymama to our 1 yr old little girl, is living with me.

I have proposed multiple times, to have them say yes then reject the entire thing becauae it didnt suit there standard of proposal, ir they were made at me.

She has left me 7 times at least constantly threatens the relationship, most recently havijg stormed out xmas eve morning handing me are daughter and saying we were over, only to return hours later pleading to come back, after telling ppl i "put my hands on her"  this Sunday, she cancels out State of the Union (structured relationship meeting per Dr Gottman) meeting, tells me she isn't interested in working on things, ti only want to come back later and talk for 2 hours, mostly telling me all the reasons why she is acting like that. We had a sliver of clarity as i explained how the last 5 years of this, plus various promiscuities during little "break ups" she orchestrated, and have eroded my love, and calcified my heart. She sort of got it.

I could go on and on....and i probably should. But i wanted to say HELLO....

I dont know what to do right now, i feel desperate, if we didnt have a kid, i won't ld probably politely ask her to leave, or throw her fanny out as soon as possible.

Dont know if im misconstruing her personality, if there is anythhing i can do to make it better, if ita better to atick it iut until the babe is a bit ooder, ir pull the plug sooner. I dont have paternity eatablished in our state yet, but the state we moved from honored those rights bc of birth certificate....we are unmarried.
.
Also i recently, while snooping (not proud of it) found abnote saying essentially, she cant see any other reason to be here except for financial security.....ouch.

Ik concerned my baby is getting age appropriate stimulation and play, she is onnher phone ALL day, or most of it i cant talk to her about jack s*t in terms if the babe. Food, weaning, boobin, diapers, getting vaccines, using soap to wash the babes feet hands and butt, nit giving her raw milks, adequately babyproofing. The liat goes on...

Yesterday, she let the sogs out AGAIN....no fence, we have found them in the road three times now (its a VERY busy road)...we have talked about it several times, i asked her why she did that .m..no answer....she walked away, refused to say anything. I mean heck did she just forget....

I am concerned for my daughtera health and safety, the animals, and my own health, and sanity.

Thanks for having this forum

[xredshoesx]

welcome to the group-  i am glad you found us but am sorry this is causing so much pain and heartache for you and your LO.

we do have a section of the forum for folks who are working on it- this could be staying in the relationship because the situation is not conducive to leaving or they are honestly trying to mend fences with their uPD/ PD SO. 


Comitted to Working On It

another place to check out would be the coparenting section- so you can get some ideas for strategies that may help you and some validation that you are not alone especially as a dad dealing with this.
Co-parenting and Secondary Relationships

lastly we see you made your forum name the same as your email.  it's super easy to change your forum name to something less identifiable.  How do I change my member name?

You can change your member name by going to Profile->Account Settings and changing the "Name" Field. Note that you will still use your original name to log in to the forum.

hope to see you on the boards soon!