Still recovering from Christmas

[JollyJazz]

Hi All,

I just needed to vent. I'm back at work now after a nice holiday.

The only thing is, I'm still recovering from seeing two of my siblings over the Christmas break. I had a ready made excuse (covid restrictions) for not visiting my PDM, PDF and PDbrother (47) who lives with them.

Anyway, I kind of had this feeling of anxiety running up to seeing them.
I like seeing my lovely little nieces and nephews,honestly I'd like to see them more. I always just end up feeling drained and bad about myself after visiting siblings though.

I wonder if I'm being too sensitive, it's just all the little remarks. They try and winkle my location/address out of me (I have to keep this private due to PD parents stalking), and lately they have just been making snarky comments about my (admittedly rather humble car). My sister in law in particular, but my brothers as well. I get the distinct impression they talk about these things behind my back.

It got under my skin this time. The thing is, I'm saving / preparing to buy a house, I don't need or want a fancy car, and a humble little car keeps costs down and doesn't need much fuel.

I actually just saw my mechanic who said 'they are good little car's these'.

I could afford a newer one, but I'm saving money at the moment.

I just feel like, it's one thing or another, like most of us on these boards I guess, I struggle with my self esteem/self confidence. I don't need more of it chipped away.

I'm proud of being thrifty. My sister is law gets all her money from my brother and hadn't worked in years, I stand on my own two feet, I'm an independent woman and earn my own money. I'd never look down on someone for having a humble car, and I'm not going to do that to myself.

Anyway, I am going to aim to give myself a Christmas present of not visiting any of them over the Christmas break in 2022. I'll visit them earlier, for short amounts of time for sure. But not for Christmas. That's my Christmas present for myself 

Thanks for reading!

[blunk]

JollyJazz, I'm so sorry you had to deal with this kind of treatment from your family.

Please don't let them make you feel bad about your vehicle. Obviously it's not some sort of death trap...even your mechanic says they are good cars. I drive a 10 year old 'economy' car, and I LOVE it. My DH has been trying to talk me into getting a luxury car. We can afford it, but, why? He has one and loves his, and I don't fault him for that. I also don't feel the need to drive a more expensive car...with a larger engine...that uses more gas...costs more to maintain...costs more to insure. It's just not me, and I am ok with that.

I think your goal of not spending next Christmas with them is great! It sounds like the only part of the visit you enjoy is the nieces and nephews. Would it be possible for you to just take them for a day of fun, and not bother with the siblings? Just a thought. No reason to spend time with people who make nasty little jabs, and likely talk about you behind your back.

[Hilltop]

Sorry you had to go through that JollyJazz.  Those sorts of negative critical comments are hard to brush off.  I would be drained after that as well and no I don't think you are being sensitive.

I was surprised that once my lease was up on my car and I had paid for it how many people started asking when I was getting a new one.  I wasn't, my car is in good condition, not many km's, why would I replace it with something new.  I personally think cars are a huge waste of money. I am planning on driving it till I actually need another one.  People are funny about cars though, they seem to want to get a new one every few years and if that's what they want great, it doesn't mean everyone wants to spend their money that way.

You have other goals like buying a house, why would you waste money on buying another car when the one you have works fine.  I don't think this is about you but more about them.

I do think these comments can chip away at your self confidence.  Good on you for deciding to give yourself a break next Christmas.  I would think about taking the kids on a day trip without the BIL/SIL.  I bet it would be way more fun.

[Andeza]

Sorry you got that kind of treatment, JollyJazz. I'm sure there's nothing wrong with your car, it just doesn't fit their "picture perfect family" standards. Instead of keeping their mouths shut and being polite to you, you were made to feel "less than," or at the very least they tried to make you feel that way. That's not how family is supposed to treat each other.

[JollyJazz]

Hi Blunk, Hilltop and Andeza,

Thanks for your kind and supportive comments!
Blunk, good on you for sticking to your guns on the car thing! I like the idea of just seeing my nieces and nephews, they are a bit young for that at the moment, but maybe once they are older 
Hilltop, good on you for saving money on cars as well. I think they are a huge drain on resources. Thanks for your kind and supportive words as well.
Andeza,
Thanks for this!
"Instead of keeping their mouths shut and being polite to you, you were made to feel "less than," or at the very least they tried to make you feel that way. That's not how family is supposed to treat each other."
Yes, I agree! Thank you 

Yes, I don't think there is anything wrong with my car. I find my sister in law is in particular, a very materialistic person. Any piece of information about me is something that they tend to twist and criticize. I do have a good job, but I am frugal so I can spend money on the things that really matter to me.
I'm also proud of my independence as someone that earns their own money.

I do think there is something very wrong with the way my brother's and sisters in-law behave towards me as well. I do really like my nieces and nephews however, so I'll see them when I can, but probably keep visits short and sweet. Christmas is going to be a 100% PD free zone I've decided though! 

Thanks again for your kind words and support!