Feeling like a boundary violation

[Justme729]

Normally, at work I shut my door and do my own thing more or less.   Avoid interactions with toxic team as much as possible.

We are remote for the next three weeks and have to collaborate in a more intense way.   I had to add them to my virtual workspace (basically an open door).  My work has been criticized more than anyone else's.   The lead has a vision in her head, she has slides from last year already created.   She hasn't share any examples or clarified her vision, so I am left to guess- wait for feedback - fix it- get feedback to fix something else or she calls another meeting. 

It feels so violating to have the rest of my team to see all of my work and constantly telling me to do this or that. 
*Im not opposed to feedback, but it isn't constructive.   I'm legit on round 4 or 5 now.  I feel like shutting down. 

[bloomie]

Justme729 - yikes, that really seems intrusive. Is there a way to protect your work until you have it ready for review?

The lead has a vision in her head, she has slides from last year already created.   She hasn't share any examples or clarified her vision, so I am left to guess- wait for feedback - fix it- get feedback to fix something else or she calls another meeting. 

I call this someone looking for a unicorn. Some team leads seem unable or unwilling to articulate even somewhat clearly what they want and it is like trying to hit a moving target. This can be so incredibly time consuming and frustrating.

What are some ways you have dealt with this when you have been in person? Would those strategies translate into a virtual setting?

[Justme729]

Justme729 - yikes, that really seems intrusive. Is there a way to protect your work until you have it ready for review?

The lead has a vision in her head, she has slides from last year already created.   She hasn't share any examples or clarified her vision, so I am left to guess- wait for feedback - fix it- get feedback to fix something else or she calls another meeting. 

I call this someone looking for a unicorn. Some team leads seem unable or unwilling to articulate even somewhat clearly what they want and it is like trying to hit a moving target. This can be so incredibly time consuming and frustrating.

What are some ways you have dealt with this when you have been in person? Would those strategies translate into a virtual setting?

I love that analogy- looking for a unicorn. I've always had a lot of freedom to do what was right for me/my class.   Individualism encouraged. Not anymore.   In person, my room was on the other side of the building and just closed my door.   That won't even work anymore.   Our new building I will be clustered with them. 

[Justme729]

I guess this is what bothers me too about this whole situation:
She comes from a very collectivist culture.   I do not.  My entire work experience has been founded on individualism.  Yes, we follow a core curriculum. However, we collaborate and share ideas - but not with the intention of being identical.  When we were remote, there was no expectation of our virtual classroom being identical.  It's not that I don't or can't get behind her values, but it's the lack of respect to my experience. For 15 years I've been told to my thing, make it my own, take ownership, get out of the box, be creative, and more.   I've been praised for It and recognized within my school, company, and field (I was featured in a newsletter for our geographic area!!).   She has essentially dissed all my experiences as unworthy and that I was never on a true team, I don't know how a true team functions, I don't know how to work together, and do on.  It's hard to hear because while I believe "no I in team", individual differences are acceptable and shouldn't be a threat.   I don't know.  I'm tired.  I don't feel seen or heard which is triggering back to family of origin.  If I do speak up, I am working against the good of the group.

[bloomie]

Justme729 - that sounds exhausting. My hope is that you will find the strength to navigate this in such a way that you will be able to continue to do your excellent work from your own philosophy that allows for you to continue to: "make it my own, take ownership, get out of the box, be creative, and more.....individual differences are acceptable and shouldn't be a threat."

Do you have someone who can advise you or address the issues that are arising for you with your team lead? It would seem, given your long and successful career,  you are in a very strong position to push back against unfair targeting.

[Justme729]

Justme729 - that sounds exhausting. My hope is that you will find the strength to navigate this in such a way that you will be able to continue to do your excellent work from your own philosophy that allows for you to continue to: "make it my own, take ownership, get out of the box, be creative, and more.....individual differences are acceptable and shouldn't be a threat."

Do you have someone who can advise you or address the issues that are arising for you with your team lead? It would seem, given your long and successful career,  you are in a very strong position to push back against unfair targeting.

I do have people that can advise me - I have reached out to them.   My HR friend said that I should stick it out until the end of my contract due to my job history.  My other friends/mentors in my field have said this is the most insane thing(s) they've ever heard.   I'm having to repeat training and mentoring that I've already done because I didn't do it with them.   The general language is they are "different" and teachers need special training and mentoring to be successful.  The other curriculum I've used don't count because they were associated with a public school/publicly funded program.   

I don't know - I am in a position where they pay me well.  I do like the curriculum.  I am just tired of the BS.  Maybe it will be different next year since I wont be the "new" teacher.