I've been triggered at work

[Marmiteh14]

**tw- abuse**

Ok, so I obviously don't want to get into too much detail. I'm a healthcare provider and I work with people of all ages.

A patient called in saying they were being sexually and physically abused by both parents. This patient then didn't attend their appointment and was not able to be contacted.

I raised it with management but they basically said we can't do any more. I went back to my office and tried to think of what we could do. I was terrified they were dead in a ditch somewhere.

When I went back to management to say I didn't agree, I had a panic attack because I was standing up to authority and because I could see myself in that patient and that I wished someone had noticed that I was emotionally abused and terrified of my parent and called safeguarding for me.

I'm now so mentally unwell that I can't go to work and I've got a sick note for a few weeks, but I honestly can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I just don't think I'm going to get better.

[Sneezy]

I'm so sorry you are going through this.  I know you can't share details, but if the patient is under 18 you can call Child Protective Services (or whatever the equivalent is in your state/country) and you should even be able to make an anonymous report.  If you do this, you may not ever hear how things turn out, but you will know that you did what you could. 

[moglow]

Are there mandatory reporters of abuse/suspected abuse where you are? Particularly as a healthcare worker, I would think you could make an anonymous report let them know you have concerns based on what this patient said to you.

As sneezy said, you may not know the outcome but not saying anything would be hard too. Flipside is, I said nothing in my own situation because i feared repercussions later. You might be the window that patient needs and can't find right now.

[Cat of the Canals]

Are there mandatory reporters of abuse/suspected abuse where you are? Particularly as a healthcare worker, I would think you could make an anonymous report let them know you have concerns based on what this patient said to you.

This is exactly what I was thinking. If you're not a mandatory reporter (I can't believe a HCW wouldn't be, but I don't know the ins and outs of all jurisdictions), then I imagine you could still make some kind of anonymous report.

[Marmiteh14]

Thanks all, sorry I wasn't clear.

I went above my manager and have made a report. There was no way I was leaving it alone. Now that I've reported I know that they will be in the care of the appropriate people.

It's not the first time I've been in this situation re: safeguarding etc and having to make tough calls and listen to tough things. But it is the first time since I've been processing my upbringing and my relationship with my own parents. It's shocked me just how affected I am.

I'm worried that I won't be able to go back to work. I love my job but not to the detriment of my own health. 

[Sneezy]

Oh, I'm so glad you have already made a report.  You did the right thing (but you already know that)!

Now, about your job and your health - that's a tough one.  No matter how much you love a job, you can't stay in a job long-term if it injures your physical or mental health.  Does your employer offer any kind of counseling services?  I used to work for a corporation that included mental health counseling for employees.  I believe the term most companies use here is "Employee Assistance Plan." That could be a place to start.  Talk to someone who can help you work through this.  Good HCWs are worth their weight in gold, and if you love your job, I sure hope you can keep doing it.  But you can't allow your job to jeopardize your own health.

[Cat of the Canals]

I'm glad you followed your gut and sorry that you're in a position where management doesn't seem to show much concern about these things. That's truly awful.

[mary_poppins]

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. you're right, you're seeing yourself in this client. Take some time off to breathe and detach from it all. Sometimes you can't save someone, you need to let it go and know that they'll be fine. The universe takes care of the vulnerable out there. thats' what i used to tell myself when I was working with a child in an unsafe situation.

[Marmiteh14]

This has culminated in me having 3 weeks off work because everything has just been too much. Thankfully I feel much more on an even keel and am aiming to go back to work next week.

I'm going to be making sure I'm protecting myself, as I think I'm going to hold on to these cases for much longer than others. Not a healthy way to be. So until I can separate myself from them in a professional manner I'm going to make sure that I avoid them as much as possible. I'm part of a fairly large team, who have all had the same training, so we *should* have the same attitudes to it. I think at the moment if I don't force myself to think like that, even if it isn't necessarily completely true, I'm going to find myself back in the same situation again. And I don't want a load of horrible memories flooding back...