How to be in a healthy relationship with an individual with BPD?

[ireneorte]

Hi I am desperate in seeking help with my situation. I am in love with an individual with BPD which was diagnosed almost 10 years ago, but he is convinced that he doesn't need treatment and abuses me mentally really badly. I am now in depression as I don't know how to fix this anymore, he believes that I am delusional because everything is my fault and that I should change the way I am. Every time I try to bring up his mental illness he automatically starts shouting and humiliates me in a point where he manipulates me in such a way in which I truly believed he was in the right about everything and that I was all the bad things he was calling me.

It is such a long story... everyone has told me to stop seeing him, but I do really want to help him as he is such a good person and the man of my life behind this BPD illness. I need to speak with someone who has BPD or who had a romantic relationship with an individual with BPD.

[Cascade]

Hello Irene and welcome to this very helpful site. Try posting this in the Chosen Relationships section for more responses. This area of the board doesn't get read that much. Also check out the page called the toolbox, there's a lot of helpful information there.

[Justwannalove]

I'm also in love with a BPD who's in denial.  I've done a lot of therapy and I'm finally starting to fiercely stand up for myself and not allow her behaviors and hatred to bring me down. One really important realization was how much I depend on her for self worth, and learning to love myself has given me capacity to feel like I can walk away if I so choose.

I wish you good luck in your journey. It's really hard when you love someone who's so harmful to you.

[xredshoesx]

welcome to the group-

we do have members that are actively trying to stay and be in a healthier relationship with their uPD/ PD loved one posting here Comitted to Working On It

from what you've shared this  may be the best place where you can get the support you need so that along with the strategies in the toolbox, you can find a way to make it work.

see you on the boards-

[Spring Butterfly]

Please know that we have no control over others. We cannot change anyone PD or not. Attempting to coerce someone to change is going to strain any relationship all the more so if there is PD involved. We can accept someone as they are and not expect things to be different. The support on the Chosen boards will help you cope with your challenges ahead.