What was the worst gift your PD parent ever gave you?

[salamander]

Schwag from her work as stocking stuffers is the first thing that comes to mind.

When I graduated from high school (I think it was, at least; Could have been my 21st bday.) She gifted me a small, white box like what jewelry would come in, full of used chewing gum. Stated she found it somewhere in my former bedroom and hoped that I had learned by then where to put used chewing gum.

[Cat of the Canals]

Used chewing gum. Wow. 

This is not exactly the same as "schwag from work," but PDmil's husband works for a particular chain store, and he gets "points" that work like gift certificates for the store. PDmil uses the points to go Xmas shopping, but the thing is, this particular store is essentially a hardware store with a very limited selection of non-hardware things. Lots of dollar impulse buy stuff. So we would get the oddest assortment of items -- and A LOT of it, because to MIL, it was "free." Our car on the drive home would literally be packed with junk that we'd end up immediately donating to the local charity shop. It got so bad that I wanted to opt out of gifts... instead we moved far away and now we just get really bad gift baskets. 

[BefuddledClarity]

❝What was the worst gift your PD parent ever gave you?❞

My PDmother's USED underwear.
Yep.

I was a whippersnapper in college, she handed me a pack of underwear stating "It doesn't fit me, maybe it'll fit you".

I said "No thanks, I don't need underwear." and she went BALLISTIC on me saying things like "You've CHANGED! How dare you not accept this! You DON'T love me anymore? You love your friends more than me!!"

...this was over a pack of underwear folks... used...underwear...

Apart from that, both of my PDparents purposely gift me things that are either feminine, girly, or pink, even though it's not my favourite colour nor style.

Nothing against that if others like it, but it is not for me. My parents do it on purpose, because I'm not 'girly' enough and "look gay" in the past, that I was almost thrown out of the house and disowned.

I've been NC with my PDfather for about 2+yrs, and was on-and-off with him prior. Only was in contact so he can come to my baby shower and see grandkid. Though he doesn't really put much effort into wanting to see the little one so, goodbye.

I'm currently on-and-off NC with PDmother, only because oldest brother lives with her. Eventually though it will be a permanent NC. She didn't acknowledge grandson for a while as "true family" because she doesn't "know" son was her excuse. My toddler son is a child out of wedlock[mother is SUPER religious] and my PDex/son's father is not the same ethnicity as PDmother, so that's most likely the reasons as she has stated her views on that prior... I'm mixed race/ethnicities...But PDmother wants me to date someone from her country or ethnic background AND her religion, no other race or religion. She talks down on my dad's race, even though I share his genetics...as well as my brothers...

[frogjumpsout]

eye cream because PDM's friends told her that HER eyes looked tired (they're no prizes either), maternity sweaters when she was trying to coerce me into pregnancy, a hideous purse to replace the one I've had for years, which always gets complimented.

From MILs: transparent lingerie that I was then coerced into modeling for the extended family, electronics that were a free giveaway alongside actual, expensive gifts for husband, a book called UNLOVABLE

Sorry, all my co-sufferers on this board. At least we can sort of laugh about it now?

[Cat of the Canals]

transparent lingerie that I was then coerced into modeling for the extended family

WHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAT in the flame-broiled hell!!!!

[Andeza]

Yup, I sure know my eyes are popping out right now. Yup. Wow. That's just wrong to do that to somebody. I'm so sorry you endured that.

[Aeon]

Ah, worst, that takes a bit of thinking.
When I was about 6ish, I was invited to a friends birthday party and at the lasts minute my PDMom told me she forgot to get a present and told me I would have to give my friend the present she kept up in the closet that she kept "forgetting" to give me. It was a beautiful porcelain miniature of a doe and a fawn and heads above anything that she would ever actually give me as a present.
She frequently "forgot" nice presents that only turned up years later that were for me.
When she was older she got a little better and gave me presents on time that reflected her tastes and colours.   

[Danie]

A package of dry soup mix, split pea, for Christmas, that she got from the food shelf.

[Unbroken1]

A cheap vinyl suitcase for high school graduation. I didn't understand the hidden context for decades.

[easterncappy]

I had a phase where I really, really liked hedgehogs. My mom bought me dog toys... yes, literally toy hedgehogs for dogs to rip up. There were squeakers in them. They were labeled dog toys. She knew. We didn't own a dog at the time, either.

There was lots of like, cheap little girls' "makeup" sets from the clearance aisle despite me being a really over-the-top tomboy from birth until now. Then she made fun of me if I ever got curious and used them.

Stuff that didn't fit was common (also all feminine things). I felt like it was supposed to be a dig at my weight, either comically small or comically large. The clothes my mom would buy for me were also often just very frumpy, she sent me to school dressed like an elderly woman a lot. My mom always dressed attractively, so this was on purpose. A few times when I was in elementary school she bought maternity clothes for me... even when I've been overweight I've never had a big stomach.

I had to be told as an adult that getting used underwear isn't normal. My mom and grandma would both give me their used bras and panties. Like fancy lingerie ones.

My mom once got me a hair straightener and curling iron (again - I was a huge tomboy, why?). I played around with it anyway and curled my hair and then she told me it looked really stupid.

[pony]

For Christmas a few weeks after the birth of my third kiddo, my mom gave me three size 56 tall men's shirts and a 6 pack of black men's socks.  I'm female. I wore a women's size 14/16 after giving birth. I didn't wear men's clothes. Tbh, I didn't have the bandwidth to get too upset  as the baby had issues and the husband was deployed. I was just overwhelmed and exhausted. But I think she was trying to make a point of some kind.

[DaisyGirl77]

Not a parent but my uBPD/N-flavored maternal grandmother presented me with a homemade strawberry rhubarb pie with walnuts sprinkled over top because we’d made a visit to her a couple days after my birthday.


…I’m allergic to nuts and she knew it. I ate a small piece to be polite and spent the entirety of the six hour drive home the next day stopping at every single rest area and spending at least 20 minutes in the bathroom because of it. Don’t be like me, people. Lol.

But…uNM started yelling at me and threatening to leave me at a rest area if I didn’t finish up shortly about halfway through the drive down.

[jenlem]

Sometimes he gave good gifts, but they were always tainted with narcissism somehow - as a way of controlling you, moulding you, ensuring you conform to what he thought you should be. Alternatively as a vehicle to show how great he was (handmade gifts, or expensive bought ones).

But one Christmas stands out when I must have been 12 or so. Money had been tight. But there were a couple of huge wrapped cardboard boxes among smaller things under the tree. My younger brother and I eagerly ripped them open to find....a "smartie" (chocolate bean) cellotaped to the inside of each empty box. This was a "joke" and he was very pleased with himself and recounted the story merrily for years afterwards.

[nanotech]

Sometimes he gave good gifts, but they were always tainted with narcissism somehow - as a way of controlling you, moulding you, ensuring you conform to what he thought you should be. Alternatively as a vehicle to show how great he was (handmade gifts, or expensive bought ones).

But one Christmas stands out when I must have been 12 or so. Money had been tight. But there were a couple of huge wrapped cardboard boxes among smaller things under the tree. My younger brother and I eagerly ripped them open to find....a "smartie" (chocolate bean) cellotaped to the inside of each empty box. This was a "joke" and he was very pleased with himself and recounted the story merrily for years afterwards.

Unbelievable. Why do they think this kind of behaviour is funny?
It seems to be all about ruining our excitement, dashing our hopes.

[JustKeepTrying]

All of these are head spinning.

On my 40th my OCPDxh tossed a cheap bday card into the bathroom while I was changing our son's messy diaper and guess where it landed.  Eventually I cleaned it up and opened the 49 cent card to find no signatures or messages.  Just blank.  But that was better than my 50th on which I got nothing.  Not even dinner or a happy birthday greeting - he forgot my 50th birthday.

[Cat of the Canals]

My PDmil has a new thing where she gifts me Christian items (prayer cards, nativity Xmas ornaments), knowing full well my family is Jewish and I am nonreligious. So that's fun!

[Liketheducks]

I'm chuckling reading these.   Sadly, I got the "box".   Mom boxed up all the photos of me, my husband, and son that she had in her possession....in a shoe box, tied with a grosgrain bow, when she moved out of my home and lived with my brother because I had "made her homeless".   I didn't.   We just couldn't stand the chaos any longer and offered her a cute nearby home free to her.   

[Cosmo]

I am revisiting this community after being away for a year and a half, and I just landed on this thread. I keep reading mentions of others here receiving "the box"--the package containing pictures of you or your partner, and letters or items that belonged to you--and I feel so seen!

I truly didn't realize that this was a thing. After going NC with my uBPD mother, I began to receive installments of "the box," too. One package contained printed emails I had sent years ago (!), along with a bunch of other items I couldn't really handle looking at. One was addressed to my husband, and it included pictures of him from when we first got together in our twenties, and a very sweet card he had sent back then. I recently received a package the included several letters I had written to my mother a long time ago (probably when I was in college), along with a note from her that specified that this was "the last of your letters I am willing to share with you." There was no explanation other than that, and seeing the box descriptions here at least lets me know that this experience is not unique to me. I've been mystified by it for so long.

Since a young age, I received no gifts on special occasions or just very odd ones, like many others here. I have received obvious "re-gifts" of used costume jewelry that were not things I'd ever get from someone who knew my taste. I think that the gifts were often meant to convey something, or were just rushed choices meant to check a box. My challenge was that I got so used to trying to seem grateful that it took a long time (and strong suggestions from my partner) before I finally understood that these unwanted items could be donated or tossed away--that I didn't have to continue the charade when no one was even watching. Looking back now, I feel for the person I was, and the deep sense of loyalty I had to my mother. Thank you all for being here! It means so much to read your experiences.

[Big Bear]

After my FIL's funeral, my MIL mailed me two of his ties.  She never asked if I would like them, never even mentioned that she was thinking about giving them to me; she just sent them!  One of them was a color that I would not even consider wearing!



Big Bear

[DaisyGirl77]

I'm being reminded of my uBPD maternal grandmother. At one family reunion at a buffet restaurant, she announced she had things to give away and was doing it by raffle. Each item was assigned a number and whoever picked out the number from a hat got the corresponding item. We kinda buzzed cuz she N. E. V. E. R. does stuff like this.

Well.

We quickly discovered these were used items from her house she no longer wanted and were equally quickly disappointed. Things like a half used candle, hat pins, costume jewelry that was very tacky, etc. We were then focused on plotting how to dump these things before leaving the restaurant. I told uNM to just throw it in the trash (she'd wound up with the used candle). She did. Others quickly followed suit.

She never did it again, mainly cuz her home is now a hoarder's delight.