3 years of hell with a covert narcissist

[Shaunbal]

I fell in love with a covert somatic narcissist  girl, the reason she got in a relationship with me is cus she loved me but also i was a cover up for an affair that she was having with her moms boyfriend , also cus i make music and she wanted to enjoy in potential fame , i kept ignoring all the red flags but because she was the prettiest girl ive ever seen i stayed plus the sex was amazing , her moms bf ended up getting jealous so he told her to kill me , so she turned into an oncoming truck that almost killed and has ruined my nervous system ever since , after the accident she stayed in the lobby with her moms bf didnt even check on me while i was on the bed , even her mom checked on me , i would call her 1000s of times in a week and she wud never answer throughout the three years we were together , im histrionic so i cud never give her the happiness her moms bf could cus he is a narcissist, they have 40-50 year age gap lol , i think her mom knows too but she wont leave the guy , i feel so stupid and gullible for not seeing it all those years but im glad god put me through that hell because i can read people now, i realized my brother and mom are narcissists and my dad is histrionic, i realized most of my friends are narcissists , i havent met her in 3 years but somedays i cant stop thinking about her , the relationship has left me depressed at times especially with covid , also the car accident has really hindered my life , i cant spend too much time on the computer now and thats where I need to spend time because i make music , i still think i love her , sometimes i get mad  for not standing up for myself all those times she humiliated me,  but i did get some retribution when i had her begging for me on 2 different occasions like how i begged for her for 3 years ,  anyone going through abuse check out sam vaknin , his depth and accuracy is unparalleled , 3 years was hell but i dont know how some people put up with coverts for 10-15 , honestly i would probably lose it

[xredshoesx]

Welcome to the forum,

When you are raised in a sea of dysfunction the dynamic in a relationship with a PD/ uPD can seem normal.  As you work through the layers of recovery it's important to address your own mental health needs for your own recovery.

Because you have identified yourself as someone who suffers from being histrionic  we want to make sure you're aware of a couple of things as you settle in.

Out of the FOG is a community dedicated to offering support and information to people who have a loved one or family member who suffers from a personality disorder. That doesn't necessarily exclude those who also have a PD from participating but the rule is we come here to discuss our relationship issues as they pertain to the other people in our lives with a PD, and not PD recovery issues as they pertain to the self. If you suffer from, or suspect you suffer from a personality disorder, we welcome your participation as long as the discussion still revolves around dealing with the loved ones in your life with a PD and not on your own recovery from a PD.   

Also, we'd like you to be aware that people at a site like this are often hurting a great deal.  They come here needing a safe place to vent about how they may have been hurt by the person in their life with a PD.  At times, these comments can be harsh. Reading them may trigger you, if you are not far enough along in your own recovery to let these comments pass without becoming upset or attempting to speak on behalf of others with personality disorders.

Thanks for your understanding, and again Welcome to Out of the FOG.