Difficult day

[pianissimo]

I just wanted to talk about my day.

We had a meeting today. The boss basically evaluated the performance of the staff during the meeting, and, kind of, shamed those who fell short. This was done covertly. I was among who fell short.

It's so weird that, I know that I'm doing fine, but, in that environment, it felt like I hadn't done my job as well as I should have. It was a triggering situation, reminded me of the times at school when the teacher would shame us, students, for not doing well.

I'm an adult now. I can hadle it. But, this felt bad. It feels like a harrassment. I think it is. In the meeting, I protested the boss's conduct by the way, but, to me, it seemed like neither the boss nor the rest of the staff understood what a sick environment he created by doing that. Where I live, back in my days at school, there was beating. I think that,  I was in an abusive environment in primary school. The teacher would beat kids in the classroom, to make an example. She had a son, and she would beat him more than other kids in her class. The whole thing brought something sickly in me. I thought, those who were beaten by the teacher deserved it, in some way. I was younger than 12. I suppose, I was the golden child in my class. Possibly, because the teacher and my parents were (and still are)  friends. My guess is that, children from poor households got the worst of it. So, today, in the meeting,  I felt that old feeling when a kid was beaten by the teacher in the classroom. Enjoyment? And, I'm not sure whether it is me who assumed this is how others felt like or they genuinely enjoyed the scene as they weren't among who were shamed. The boss might have gotten something out of it too. I'm a little worried, there is also that old feeling a bully is coming after me, and I'm scared.

But, then, when the clock strikes 5pm, I head back home. And, my nature doesn't allow me to worry about things too much. Life is bigger than any of us. I survived it when I was a kid, so, I suppose I can survive it now. I just wasn't expecting this kind of abusive environment at this age again. It's so silly...

[SonofThunder]

Hello Pianissimo,

Im sorry you and others experienced the covert shaming attempt by your boss, in a group setting, therefore making for a difficult day.  Although,  I was encouraged to read about your positive outlook on life being bigger, and your ability to stand outside these negative incidents in life and look into them, in a wonderfully analytical way.  😊

I agree, these types of events are silly and imo, bring the boss a selfish feeling of power at the expense of others.  Sad that teachers did this in the past.  Fully understood on the parents and teachers knowing each other and therefore certain children avoiding the paddling.  Paddling existed in my first 5 years of grade school as well, so I'm familiar with what you wrote.   

Imo also, people in leadership positions who do what you describe, are poor leaders. So in turn, those who selected them as leaders are poor managers...and so on.   

Again, sorry you experienced this, but imo the wisest, and strongest in the room is you who experienced, understood what was REALLY going on, protested the boss's conduct and then analyzed it wisely. 🤛🏼 

Was there a reaction from the boss or coworkers, regarding your protest? 

SoT

[Hazy111]

Imo also, people in leadership positions who do what you describe, are poor leaders. So in turn, those who selected them as leaders are poor managers...and so on.   



So how do such dysfunctional disordered people end up in positions of power ? Or maybe theyre not dysfunctional , just having a bad day ..... a lot. 

Maybe they enjoy the power they have and like to abuse it . It makes them temporarily feel good, until the next time...... or next bad day?  Others are relieved its not them on the receiving end and enjoy it too and covertly agree.

Everyones in  denial except those on the receiving end

[pianissimo]

SonofThunder, thanks for your encouragement.

I said that he should have done this kind of evaluation privately. He dismissed me by saying something like "It's OK". I suppose he later addressed my point by saying "There is no shame in falling short", but, then, what he did was "naming and shaming".  Coworkers didn't say anything.

Hazy111, I think it's both, dysfunction+a bad day.  Where I work is a little Kafkaesque.

I took a look at my work today which made me feel better. I like what I do, so I intend to do things my way.

[Hazy111]

I think i maybe right ,  but i think you maybe the the first person to use "Kafkaesque " on Out of the FOG. It needs to be added to the glossary pronto. 

[pianissimo]

Fair enough 

I work in a state institution built in a place that has the least use for it. It has a qualified staff, the services of whom are required by nobody. We spend a great deal of our energy to meet bureaucratic criteria. The institution that has no use continues to exist just because somebody in power said so. We proposed realistic ways to improve it, and they were all turned down by some other people in power.

The boss was assigned here to fix all this.

[SonofThunder]

...We proposed realistic ways to improve it, and they were all turned down by some other people in power.  The boss was assigned here to fix all this.

Ahh..the bureaucratic hamster wheel of hypocrisy continues to go nowhere.   But, you wrote:

" I took a look at my work today which made me feel better. I like what I do, so I intend to do things my way."

I just love your silent, yet extremely powerful response to this situation in the face of a dismissive, blind, self-power-promoting at the expense of others, passive-aggressive boss.  You may be Pianissimo, but your inner-self is Forte in its ability to recognize the truth in what transpires.  🙌🏻 on the self confidence and awareness.

SoT

[pianissimo]

Thank you SonofThunder, writing here helps a lot!