What would you say?

[gfuertes]

While waiting for his ride to a Scout campout tonight, my almost-14-y-o son blurted out that his dad shouldn't have to pay taxes since he "doesn't have any rights."  That boiled down to he lost the right to vote because he's a convicted felon.

That's not an issue I had prepared to address, today.  And a few minutes later he compounded it by asking whether I really think his dad was guilty of what he was convicted of.

I genuinely wonder how others would have fielded these topics.  But I'll go ahead and tell you where my instincts took me.

The 1st statement sounded like he was straight parroting my ex, which my son easily acknowledged he was doing.  I said some states do let felons vote after they've served their time, and there's a good argument for that.  There's also a good argument that if you flaunt the law, perhaps you shouldn't be allowed to help choose the people who make it.  I asked about public goods and services, even military protection, that his dad benefits from just like the rest of us do.  Even though some of the local representatives I voted for didn't get elected (so in a sense my vote didn't get to carry much weight,) I still have to pay my share toward those expenses.  Why shouldn't his dad?  And my bottom line was that, while his dad - and even my son, if he wants - can fight for voting rights for felons, if you know you live in a state where felons can't vote, but you chose to break the law anyway, ultimately who's responsible for the fact that you can't vote?  No one conspired to take away his rights.

On the second one, I said I do think his dad was guilty.  (There is no question, and it was way worse than what my son imagines.)  I said I don't think that's the only thing that matters about his dad.  I don't think that means he's unlovable.  (I kind of do, but this statement seemed more appropriate.)  I acknowledged the fact that he either has to believe something he'd rather not believe about his dad...or his dad is asking him to believe that the victims who reported him, the FBI investigators, the prosecutor, the judge, his own attorney, and every member of the jury were all lying, corrupt people who conspired against him.  And that wasn't true.  I said it's hard, when you've done something wrong and gotten in big trouble for it, to accept responsibility.  It's easier to blame everyone else.  But when you accept responsibility, you have the power to do better.

My ex does not care a whit how he screws up my son's head, if there's some hope of turning our son into his personal minion.  I wish he were still in prison.

[notrightinthehead]

I think you handled that very well. I hope got through to your son and he will be able to make up his own mind.

[bloomie]

gfuertes - Wow! A gracious and mature perspective you offered your boy. And on the fly, no less! Well done!

[Poison Ivy]

I think you handled this superbly.

[athene1399]

Wow! That was a heavy conversation and I think you did a great job.

[Kat54]

Great job in handling that. You are obviously the smarter mature one and I'm definitely sure your son knows that. He's at such an impressionable age. Stay the course.