Discovery - blocking a phone number

[moglow]

After md foulness and abuse throughout last week and the weekend - yes, I participated, thinking at some point there was an end or a low point. There wasn't. It's an abyss. - I ended the last call with a snark of my own, suggesting that she please land her broom elsewhere. I didn't block her thinking no one wanted to go back into that water anyway. Wrong. I got yet another text from her today and my head exploded. DAMMIT MAN LEAVE ME ALONE!! Take the poison and the nastiness and the contempt and just.go.away. 

So this evening I joined with a partner in crime, testing out the various block options. Full on block via cell carrier was best, and we decided to test options on the phone itself while we were at it. Guess what? I could block my buddy and I got no text responses from her, while I sent anything I wanted and she got them all. We exchanged screenshots after, so there's no question. Outgoing from the blocker/me GOOD, incoming from the blockee/her BAD.

Read that again - For two years md screeched at me about not getting my texts, I'd ignored her birthday and mothers day and holidays and I'm a horrible terrible awful uncaring yada yada bing yada. Her blocking mine meant she could and did text and call and all the messages came through. She lied. Bald faced lied, repeatedly and emphatically, meltdowns when I called her on it and told her that if I'd blocked her I wouldn't get any of her texts or calls. It had to be her phone, just like I told her from day one when she threatened to block me in the first place.

Worse, just last week she ramped the whole mess up all over again, and told me how to block on my phone, demanded I check my settings. I knew I hadn't blocked her other than through cell carrier before and I couldn't send to OR receive from her when I did that, so it was a non issue for me. But SHE KNEW. I dont know if she fell off in it and was surprised later, but she never admitted what she'd done and had been doing for quite some time. Shocker. She melted down her own argument.

So yeah. That.

***
Her text today? Supposed doctor's appt today where her blood pressure is erratic and high, doc supposedly asked what's going on and she filled him in. It seems I would not like what he had to say about it. [was I supposed to call and ask? yeah no] AND she suggested I find a new whipping post. [I have suggestions as well...] 

[bloomie]

Her blocking mine meant she could and did text and call and all the messages came through. She lied. Bald faced lied, repeatedly and emphatically, meltdowns when I called her on it and told her that if I'd blocked her I wouldn't get any of her texts or calls. It had to be her phone, just like I told her from day one when she threatened to block me in the first place.

So, two things, if I am understanding this... it is now clear your md does know how to check her settings and block/unblock as she talked you through it... clever you with getting her to reveal herself with that one! And... she has been manufacturing drama and chaos and creating a false 'trail' of how you have been ignoring her by blocking you and sending you messages that she knows she will not receive your answers to. Diabolical!

I am telling you... using the phone as a weapon to create drama on the ninja level! So ugly for her to have done this to you. 

[moglow]

Bloomie - i sat there late into the night, realizing just how many rampages she's staged over that fucking phone, how much harm she's caused. I suspected it all along, and still feel that for at least part of the time she may genuinely have not known it. It's entirely possible that at some point she blocked it and forgot or didn't know where it was. We're all human. BUT there came a time she DID know and she insisted on me checking that very thing on my own phone, so no. No apology, no "oh God I don't know how to tell you this but I've had you blocked all this time and just figured it out." I gave her every opportunity to back down, make it right or just plain leave it alone. But no. Here we are.

After her epic meltdown nasties for several consecutive days, she sent a valentines greeting to each of my brothers Monday. Apparently she's never done that before, and none of them knew about the others OR what had taken place with me the several days preceding. Still playing games, she is. You really can't make this shit up.

[bee well]

Wow Moglow! Yuck! I'm sorry you are dealing with this but glad you figured it out. (Some times it takes a while, because we don't think "like they do." ) It's awful, and mindboggling how much chaos, to borrow Bloomie's word, that can be created from anywhere, with technology.   You are right, you can't make this stuff up, and tech takes it to another level. Please excuse me if I permit myself to state the obvious, but you really deserve a time out. Please take care. A virtual hug to you.

[moglow]

Naw, girl. This is no time out. It's over. That she deliberately tormented and attacked me over this bullshit for years, that it's repeated and deliberate? No.
I'm working on much better self care, and I appreciate your kindness.

[bee well]

Hi Again Moglow, You're welcome...Yeah, I feel you. Timeout would be an understatement here....I'm glad you are focussing on self care and taking care of you... Just wanted to express my solidarity, especially since this  kind of crazymaking behaviour goes in in my FOO/extended family...It's what drove me into NC.

[moglow]

Any of y'all know anything about or have experience with EMDR? I've got an appt later today, looking for means of shutting down her voice and this nastiness in my head. I'm hoping this will at the least steer me in a better direction.

[Call Me Cordelia]

EMDR did wonders for me. Truly, I had assumed I would always have to tune out my father's voice when I merge on the highway. It's GONE I tell you! I didn't even do the full recommended course since we were moving (all for the good!). It did feel kind of kooky and the first two sessions were sort of introductory but I highly highly recommend it. The science of it is explored in The Body Keeps the Score of you are interested in it.

[moglow]

Thx so much 'Delia! I couldn't remember who'd done it, sounds like what i need. I called them fully expecting to be bounced back a few weeks, being a new patient and all. Front desk pulled the professional courtesy card and moved me way up her wait list. Last minute cancellation on her end and very understanding boss on mine get me in today.


Peace, be still.

[Starboard Song]

Status report: you've blocked her, I guess?

And hey, I know you've seen me write this about ten million times, but I highly recommend each of the books in the top line of my signature for shutting down that voice. EMDR may help, but one should read, for instance, the Book of Joy just for the joy of it.

Good luck to you, Good Mo.

[Andeza]

One of the most pleasant, most emotionally mature, insightful, most balanced people I know.... did EMDR therapy years ago to deal with childhood trauma and abuse.

It'll be good, Moglow. Give it time to do its thing. Big hugs to you!

[moglow]

Status report: you've blocked her, I guess?

You could say that  - every way I could think of. Should md resort to sending snail mail as she's done in the past, I have an agreement with a good friend who will open, read and prepare response for my signature, no questions asked. We spit and shook on it [she's wanted to do this a very long time- we've known each other since first grade so she KNOWS!]

I've been really struggling to read or do much of anything else for a while, my brain has been all over the place between stress and some wicked depressive episodes. I'm horribly unfocused, sleep deprived and incredibly cranky as a result. Baaaaaby steps and thanks for the reminder!

Andeza all I could do is laugh and I appreciate that more than you know! I'm not remotely pleasant, emotionally mature or much else today. I think my normal edges have sharper edges. Severely UNbalanced would be my description!!

[SunnyMeadow]

realizing just how many rampages she's staged over that fucking phone, how much harm she's caused.  You really can't make this shit up.

No you can't make this up. This whole phone fiasco really takes the cake when it comes to NPD games!

I hope EMDR is helpful for you. Please let us know, I may need a few (or many) appointments myself.

[Hilltop]

Moglow I am so glad you now know that your MD knows how to block and that it definitely isn't on you.    People say don't go down the rabbit hole but sometimes it's good to understand what is happening such as with this.  No wonder you feel unbalanced, this is the stuff that is crazy making, it's gaslighting, it's designed to confuse you, doubt yourself, then doubt your judgement and send you crazy trying to fix something that you can't.

It simply creates chaos and then on top of that you get the spiteful and condescending treatment blaming you for something that is nothing to do with you.  Her valentines well wishes to your brothers is so obvious.  Whilst she is being horrible to you, she is extra nice to your brothers.

I'm so sorry, this would be so hurtful.  Others (outside of Out of the FOG) wouldn't believe it but I have seen my MIL do this type of behaviour first hand.  Tech stuff that I originally thought would be beyond her and she needed DH to rush over to fix it for her, I eventually saw her do things and I realised she was a lot more tech savvy than I believed.  It's normal to think older people may not have the skills and this is part of the crazy making but PD's are very resourceful.  If they want to create chaos the lengths they go to is amazing.

I really hope your self care is going well.  I hope the EMDR works wonders for you.  This stuff is hard because it is so confusing, it's hard to see that people do these things to gain something from it.  It's especially hard when that person is a parent.

[Jolie40]

we finally got rid of landline few years ago

husband got me a cell when we became parents
didn't want one but he said "in case of emergency"

ONLY husband has my number
didn't give it out! not even to school, not to any family members, not to neighbors or friends
do *67 when making ANY phone call so no one can get my number

since my no. isn't out there, only get a spam call maybe once per mos!


don't give out your phone number if you ever get a new number!

[moglow]

Briefly synopsis of intake with therapist:

She was asking questions after I semi-unloaded [because you know those have no limits after all these years], making notes as she continued. EMDR has been established as very helpful when dealing with PTSD AND complex PTSD, as in your case ... Ah. I see. Decades of repeated abuses on top of the individual incidents that never healed. All makes sense in the big picture where we live, I'd just not connected those dots. Coping mechanisms works until they doesn't.

Homework: I'm writing out my ten worst, ten best memories. I'm finding my heart, learning to share it with myself finally.

And so I begin.

[Starboard Song]

It is a good beginning, Mo, well-earned.

[moglow]

Can I send her the bill for this. Please?

[Starboard Song]

Can I send her the bill for this. Please?

I consulted the rule book. Page 3, paragraph 4.

Says "no."

But there's an asterisk! It leads to a footnote! The footnote refers me to index F.

** Thumbs back to the index **

Finds it! Page 473, item 17.2.k in index d:

"Definitely not."



Sorry! I tried!

[moglow]

   Outstanding!! Needed that today!