Inner Critic flare-up

[Call Me Cordelia]

I'm not sure what triggered it exactly but I have been talking so mean to myself lately. Everything less than my idea of perfect I berate myself and therefore try less, that old all-or-nothing thinking. And when I choose nothing out of that feeling of futility, I hate myself more. Because I do in fact have responsibilities to meet. I'm forgetting how to short-circuit that nasty cycle in this moment of trying to bootstrap myself up just to meet the day's demands. And worst of all when I'm like this I'm more likely to be less than kind to my kids, and that's just awful.

I do live a pretty high-octane life. But that was my choice and I'm stuck in it now. I made my bed now lie in it. My mother said that, and those are the thoughts that keep intruding right now.

I do have some time this long weekend, but even getting to that is overwhelming me at the moment. I've done this cycle over and over again... I can see what it is and where it comes from and it has gotten overall better. Now it's every so often it used to be every day and I had no awareness of the pressure I put on myself. But I'm still "shoulding" myself that I should be past this nonsense by now. Some meta-self-shaming. Ugh.

[1footouttadefog]

Maybe after taking a time of rest you can take a look at your activities and see if there are somethings that are no longer bringing joy.  Perhaps some time slots are filled by things that are not resonating with the new now you. 

In the mean time I hope you can get the negative comments from others out of your mind. 

And regarding perfect I recently have had to re evaluate my perfect.  I had to honestly ask what that was for me and did all aspects of that really originate with me or was ideal a layer by layer connection if things that had settled upon me over the years.

I decided alot if stuff was no longer a match.  My place is a disaster right now as I re evaluated all my belongings and decor and reorder my life according to the now me with the new me goals. 

I will never be perfect but I can be perfectly, and really me. 

[xredshoesx]

if i'm not getting enough rest i tend to get stuck in negative thought patterns myself.   the other thing that will bring it on is if i;m not getting enough time alone- started to notice this esp when we were all working from home and the boundary between home and work got blurred,  i was missing that time in the car to simply be by myself and decompress.    i hope the long weekend helps you get some clarity and moves you out of this pattern of negative thinking.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Thank you. You are right, I do need more rest and more alone time. I'm thinking there is a physical/hormonal component here as well. Postpartum can be Sometimes I forget that. And that I need more calories! No good getting hangry at myself.