She never reached out to me

[ambivalent1]

My mother died from cancer last June.  When she was diagnosed she didn't contact me.  The lab that did the test contacted me because they couldn't reach her but she
In May her nursing home contacted me
to tell me she wouldn't make it through the night.  I visited her while she was too sedated to talk.  She lived another month and and didn't even say thank or any last words even indirectly.  My brother visited her regularly and it would have been easy enough to do.
For a brief time she was in hospice.  There was nothing and then she died.
This was not a result of any hostility she had towards me.  She simply took it for granted till the end that the world,  including my siblings and I, were there to take care of her and her feelings.

[RainbowG]

I'm sorry that it had to happen this way. 

I think you're right that it had nothing to do with you personally. The PDs I've known (and I've known lots of them!) are self-absorbed to the point of insensitivity. Other people's feelings just aren't on their radar.

I expect my parents to be the same when they pass. I'm preparing myself to just accept that it's always going to be about them, right to the end. 

Rainbow

[Seven]

Back in October DH and I were a few hours out of town for a wedding that we were both looking forward to attending.  DH gets a call from enFIL. Cue the "your mother is going to die today"  DH has been NC with the ILs since April after he demanded an apology from uBPD MIL  for their behavior regarding one of DHs friends (and friends before that...a repeating pattern of entitlement)

DH drove home and I stayed behind for the wedding (I had a way home via my DSs). Come to find out the woman had been in the hospital 3 WEEKS with nary a phone call from FIL.  Needless to say she didn't die that day.  She did die 2 weeks later though. Needless to say there was no deathbed reconciliation.

DH came to the conclusion himself that she purposely withheld telling him that she was in the hospital so that when she got out she could blame him/hold it over his head for not visiting. You know the magical thinking, DH is just "suppose to know" that MIL was in the hospital.

TBH I straight up did not shed one tear for her.

DH and FIL get along splendidly now.

[SunnyMeadow]

I'm sorry ambivalent1. How painful that you didn't get any communication from her. My mother is incredibly self-absorbed and I wouldn't expect any different treatment either.

I wondered at one time if mother would reach out in kindness to my long discarded sibling when she got older and more frail. She never did and still no chance of it now. (not that sibling wants her to  ) I've read here many times that children shouldn't expect any deathbed reconciliation or words of love. Because NPD people are only concerned about themselves right up to the end, it makes sense.

It's hard to believe. I have already written each of my children letters of how much I love them and how proud I am of them. I tell them this frequently too! On my deathbed, what else is there besides telling my husband and children how much they mean to me?? Strange that this doesn't even cross their minds.

Anyway, I'm sorry you went through this. 

[1footouttadefog]

My twin mother in laws would withhold such information so they could cause someone to cancel or interrupt travel plans they new about. 

On several occasions they let people get altheway across the country on an RV trip then guilted then because they could not get home in time.