Hiding money when your spouse watches everything

[Kat54]

What IsleofSong said.
I also totally understand not roiling the apple cart. It's super difficult and being a non confrontational person it was torture for me to confront my ex about anything. It was better to let it blow over and avoid at all costs anything to upset him. But I did come to realize that's who he is and it would never change. I was the one who was going to have to make changes to myself.
My therapist help me get there.

You need your voice and you need to be able to speak freely about what you need. You are being terribly abused and it's hard to get out of.  Always good luck to you Jsinjin

[1footouttadefog]

Create new accounts and change your direct payments into those accounts. 

Emotionally I would feel like doing the following:
When she asks or demands to know why  tell her it's your turn to be in charge.  If she complains tell her it's her turn to earn the money and then she can be in charge again, and in the mean time she needs a new hobby. Hand her a hobby lobby or Michaels gift card after making this declaration. 

I know this is not easy for you.  You will cause an S storm when you move to the cottage so why not make it earlier when you extract the cash to finish the cottage.

[Prototypian]

Thanks all.   I had some work done on the house that I intent to move into by myself and I actually bought some clothes for me for "return to work" where the company I work for will be able to have us back in the office.  I didn't ask, didn't tell, didn't say anything.   Although I did, to avoid the inquisition, throw away the receipts, tags and any wrappers because I know it would lead to 20 questions.   

[Poison Ivy]

Good for you!

[JustKeepTrying]

Big steps and good for you! 

[square]

I'm impressed - you go!!

[Prototypian]

I didn't let it bother me.  We have had so much going on lately with travel, kid sports and her political stuff that I'm able to do things quietly