Grandma, really??

[Lilyloo]

My N mom calls herself Grandma, to my four granddaughters.  This is laughable!  She has seen them maybe 10 times their entire lives. I have a 15 year old, a 13 year old, and a 5 and 3 year old. She goes on face book and if my daughter has posted for instance a birthday photo, esp of the little ones, mom goes "Happy Birthday my little sweeties, your Grandma loves you" LOL   Over and over she calls herself their Grandma. 

She has never sent them a birthday card, nor visited them at any home my daughter lived in, nor gone to the hospital when they were born. There was never a gift of a sleeper or hat, or a pack of diapers from her, NOTHING!!

My hubby has a business right beside my daughters house. Mom visits him (and drives him nuts) but has never gone down the little path to see "her sweeties" They do not even know her! 

This is all for FAKEBOOK and to show the world what a kind grandma she is. Excuse me, I am their Nana!!  So stop it!!!  You are not nor will ever be anything to them. You choose to never have any relationship with them! So back off.    Great Grandmas show by actions that they are true caring grandmas, ooops Great Grandmas! 

The arrogance is beyond belief!  What a N she is. It sickens me. The longer I live I truly cant even be near her.

Had to rant.  I'm sure you all have the same situations

Thank You for listening

[SunnyMeadow]

This made me angry on your behalf LindaLoo!! I mean, Grandma?? Uh no,     that's reserved for you.

These people sure like Facebook, don't they? Look at meee! I'm the bestest Grandma to my little sweeties. 

[moglow]

I'll see you and will raise you one. Mine hasnt seen any of her grands in I'm guessing over ten years as well. Very limited and sporadic visits before then, only when the children were delivered to her majesty. One granddaughter was five before md ever met her.


For many years [and last I knew] she still had a specialty tag for her car touting that she was a grandma.

She took such pride and glee in pointing out her car tag [and the recent model car she always drove], yet not a picture of nor commentary about said grandchildren...

[Lilyloo]

For sure SunnyMeadow, they love Facebook!   They take the FB stage and give a grand performance!  Oh there are many who believe she is a sweet old lady! Thank You   

Moglow, that is horrible.       How arrogant can it get!!  The fakes who fool so many Thank You

[Lilyloo]

My post was so long......  I was just so angry!  My husband says she is sooo jealous of me.  I do believe it!

[SunnyMeadow]

she still had a specialty tag for her car touting that she was a grandma. 

LindaLoo - your post wasn't long at all. ♥ Honestly I could write for days about the ridiculous stuff my NPD mother has done.

[Lilyloo]

Yes SunnyMeadow, me too, I know I could write a book!  😆  so grateful I can vent here.

[Liketheducks]

I can identify with Mom being jealous of me and the life I've created.       My mom totally has written off my son.   She has no relationship with him.   I don't for the live of me understand why.   

[Lilyloo]

Liketheducks,  I think they aren't moms if jealousy is the issue.  It is so wrong!  I'm sorry she does that to your son.  That is 😔 sad.  My mom never has anything to do with my grown children. Mom's with any heart just don't do these awful things. 

[Amadahy]

Ugh.  I can relate. My Nmom used to call herself my boys' "second mommy.". It was infuriating! 

[Lilyloo]

Amadahy,  I agree it's infuriating!!   They are so self absorbed

[Mintstripes]

Lilyloo this is so typical! They want to get accolades from others simply because they are a "grandmother" in name only.

My mother met my child ONCE in 2016. I went NC shortly thereafter. She is crazy about the grandmother title too and hell-bent on referring to my unNPDf as a "grandfather" even though he's never met my child and won't ever. I know that she regularly tells people she's a grandmother. I can only imagine the revisionist history and sob stories that come out of her mouth.

They really are delusional. We are so much better off keeping them away from our kids.

I'm currently trying to get pregnant again on my own with fertility treatments. It hasn't worked yet  but if it does, I will do absolutely EVERYTHINg in my power to make sure my FOO doesn't find out, including not telling some elderly relatives overseas who I like. People get baby crazy and cross all sorts of boundaries when a birth is involved.

[Mintstripes]

Ugh.  I can relate. My Nmom used to call herself my boys' "second mommy.". It was infuriating!

[Lilyloo]

Mintstripes, sorry I missed your reply. Back tomorrow to reply to you. Busy day here. 

[Mintstripes]

Mintstripes, sorry I missed your reply. Back tomorrow to reply to you. Busy day here. 

No worries!! Good luck with your busy day

[Lilyloo]

Mintstripes, First off, best of luck with the fertility treatments     

So sad they even dare call themselves grandmothers. In this case she's their great grandmother, but mom has such an inflated ego, and everything is about her.   It's a title they do not deserve.  You are absolutely right, we are better off keeping them away. 

They lose because they never cared. Name only for sure!!  Love, time, attention and giving from our hearts  makes a grandma. 

I'm sorry you've dealt with it but really glad you are NC

[Mintstripes]

Mintstripes, First off, best of luck with the fertility treatments     

So sad they even dare call themselves grandmothers. In this case she's their great grandmother, but mom has such an inflated ego, and everything is about her.   It's a title they do not deserve.  You are absolutely right, we are better off keeping them away. 

They lose because they never cared. Name only for sure!!  Love, time, attention and giving from our hearts  makes a grandma. 

I'm sorry you've dealt with it but really glad you are NC

Thank you so much! I have been trying since the fall to no avail, so we'll see. They can't find anything "wrong" with me, so I guess time will tell (and how much more I'm willing to spend 

Re the GINO (grandma in name only lol), I sometimes can't believe how deeply delusional and in denial they are. Of course, they are narcissists and cannot reflect on why they are being purposely left out. I often think about how nice it would be to have normal, non-toxic, non-PD, respectful parents. I wouldn't exclude them from my and my child's life without very good reasons.

Unfortunately, it's not like you can find a surrogate grandma, and tbh I would question the motives of anyone who wanted to fill that role anyway.

PD parents affect further generations more than they ever consider (ofc in their minds, they're the victims  ). In the sense that my child will miss out on having grandparents from my side. She's doing just fine and I am in no way saying that grandparents are mandatory, just simply making an observation on the bigger picture.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Unfortunately, it's not like you can find a surrogate grandma, and tbh I would question the motives of anyone who wanted to fill that role anyway.

Thank you for saying that. Well meaning people have often suggested just that to me, that we "adopt" a lonely elderly neighbor or whatever. Covid has quieted those suggestions but I always felt a bit icky about that. If a relationship develops organically that's one thing but like any friendship not something you can just acquire. You know who did like to "adopt" vulnerable children? Yeah.

[Mintstripes]

Unfortunately, it's not like you can find a surrogate grandma, and tbh I would question the motives of anyone who wanted to fill that role anyway.

Thank you for saying that. Well meaning people have often suggested just that to me, that we "adopt" a lonely elderly neighbor or whatever. Covid has quieted those suggestions but I always felt a bit icky about that. If a relationship develops organically that's one thing but like any friendship not something you can just acquire. You know who did like to "adopt" vulnerable children? Yeah.

People can be so dumb and naive. I would never just  attach myself to a random elderly person out of desperation for a grandmother figure. That's just weird.

That advice IMO is due to the mentality that the elderly are to be respected at all times no matter how awful they are, glorification of grandparents, etc. No thank you!

[sunshine702]

You caught it.  It's not for the girls.  It's so EVERYONE SEES what she says to the girls.

The performance of a family unit rather than the day to day.

Be careful with triangulation.  I see it in my Narc mom with the second round of grandkids my Golden Child brother had.  L. is a demon child to her with a psycho stare and H. is still perfect Golden Child Grandkid.