Getting the silent treatment a lot

[Bagsrags]

Hello,
I'm new SO has uNPD. I've started setting boundaries. Last nite I laid down I don't want to do everything together and we need to ask each other if we want the other to join in. That was met with the silent treatment. I grew up on silent treatment with uNPD parent. I'm just trying to navigate this and understand and grow into myself, who I'm meant to be because I don't like being a care giver.

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome!  I found that the best way to handle silent treatment was to live my life normally as if he wasn't there at all. 

[bloomie]

Hi and welcome. I am sorry you are experiencing the passive aggressive tactic of Silent Treatment. It can be incredibly uncomfortable to experience in an intimate relationship.

We have a really great breakdown of the behavior and some ways to cope with it here: https://outofthefog.website/top-100-trait-blog/2015/11/4/the-silent-treatment

It also helps to reach out, as you are doing, to others who understand and experience similar treatment when attempting to negotiate and work through issues with someone who uses this tactic instead of communicating respectfully and recognizing another person's right to limits and boundaries within the relationship.

I'm glad you are here and hope you find engaging in the community and all of the tools and info a support and help.

[dez333]

Welcome!  I found that the best way to handle silent treatment was to live my life normally as if he wasn't there at all.

Agree.  The narcissist loves to punish and the silent treatment is one of their go-to methods.  If their "punishments" don't work on you, they can't use it.  Never let them see that they are getting to you - that's all they want.  This is your chance to go out with friends, go shopping, watch movies YOU like - take advantage of it. 

[Lavoy2113]

 I keep reading that giving the silent treatment is bad but what good is talking to a woman that twists everything you say, won't play by any rules, claims that I am doing the very things that she is, says that I have to earn her love then says I have to go back 16 years and fix all the things I caused.
I was known as a nice guy to everyone before I met her, for 16 years she's told me that I've always been an asshole even as a child.
I would have to be stupid not to give her the silent treatment.

[Justwannalove]

It helped me to figure out why it's so triggering. For me it was a number of things: 1. My mother used to do it, and for a child, it's actually terrifying, not so much as an adult.
2. I was always outraged that she was being angry when I actually expected an apology. Guess what, we are very different people c'est la vie.  That's why it's a disagreement, right ?  She has a right to be angry, just like I do. 
3. I'd have a lot of trouble not seeing myself through those angry eyes. Hope this makes sense to people.  Clearly a corollary of #1 and #2.

Yes, silent treatment is a shitty way of handling conflict.  Try to imagine what other reason they might be doing it .. maybe they don't trust their feelings and want to cool down .. who knows.  Maybe it's not so bad after all.