Trusting Self

[brokenempath]

Why do they love you "so much" when you finally have the strength to say you're done?? Couldn't you have treated me like a partner these past 15 years? Now you can't live without me even though I've begged you to take me on a weekend getaway alone, to skip watching one game to stay home and watch with me, to plan some family outing without complaining the whole time. Why now do I have to have so much guilt for not wanting to do this anymore

[Boat Babe]

It's what they do brokenempath and it's heartbreaking. I am so sorry you are going through this.

People with PDs are broken and their pathology plays out in the arena of interpersonal relationships. Suddenly playing nice after years of abuse is utterly predictable when you come Out of the FOG and decide that you're done. Again, it's heartbreaking.

If you get sucked back in, it won't last. You'll be back to square one. Many people here have endured decades of abuse, sometimes only ending when their spouse dies. Those who escape have the chance to regroup, recover and rebuild their lives.

If there are children, my personal opinion is that you can't let them live with abuse a minute longer than necessary. Read the stories on the having parents with PD boards. Heartbreaking stories of traumatic childhoods and years spent repairing the damage as adults.

Leaving is very hard. Staying is much, much worse. This forum is packed with people who truly understand and who share experience and wisdom and compassion. You are not alone.  Much love.

[GentleSoul]

Why do they love you "so much" when you finally have the strength to say you're done?? Couldn't you have treated me like a partner these past 15 years? Now you can't live without me even though I've begged you to take me on a weekend getaway alone, to skip watching one game to stay home and watch with me, to plan some family outing without complaining the whole time. Why now do I have to have so much guilt for not wanting to do this anymore

I hear your pain.  I so sorry you are going through this.

Very sadly this is exactly what they do, when they are losing you they will promise the earth to try and get you back or to stay.

It is all rubbish, they will not stick to any of it.  It is all pure manipulation.   

So very hurtful though.

The reason you feel guilty is because of HIS manipulation. He knows exactly what to say to create a feeling of guilt in you.  He is protecting himself. 

As Boat Babe says, he is broken.  This is how he thinks/acts.  Sadly this is entirely usual behaviour when they think they are losing you. 

[brokenempath]

Thank you so much for the responses. It's consuming my mind and I've started to talk friends about what's been going on and I don't think they can or want to believe me. Which leaves me questioning everything even more.

I feel more annoyed the nicer & nicer he is being to me. This is just all a lot to take in and wrap my head around, but I truly appreciate feeling support from everyone here. I am so glad I found this website

[escapingman]

Why do they love you "so much" when you finally have the strength to say you're done?? Couldn't you have treated me like a partner these past 15 years? Now you can't live without me even though I've begged you to take me on a weekend getaway alone, to skip watching one game to stay home and watch with me, to plan some family outing without complaining the whole time. Why now do I have to have so much guilt for not wanting to do this anymore

My STBX uNPDw says she loves me so much and she wish I could see how much she loves me. Since I told her I want a divorce all she wants is me giving her another chance to prove how much she loves me, and for things to go back to how they were. She had such an amazing life with me and just want it back. For me it was hell, verbal and emotional abuse every day. I would never go back to how things were, never in a million years.

Good luck in leaving him, you deserve better!

[Falsebalance]

 

I'm sorry you're going through it.

I'm expecting this very soon when my unpdstbx realizes I took his divorce and moving out threat seriously and I'm leaving.

Trying to prepare but I'm sure once it hits it is hard to get your mind around. 


Big hugs to you.