Changing relationships

[Justme729]

My relationship with BPD mom is very superficial.   We have boundaries in place and have more or less have an understanding of VLC.   My children don't have that experience with her, she's truly a different person.  She stopped drinking and had some medications adjusted, she is also no longer with her ex who was terrible.   My kids don't know that side of her.  I'm glad they don't.   My oldest child is having surgery.  My other two kids said they want her to come stay with them verse a friend who is like an aunt. 

Children are so darn innocent.   My oldest told me she is glad that grandma got her life together to a reasonable degree, even though she's still a hot mess.   I hope she knows we will be very hands on grandparents. Or at least more hands on than her grandparents are now.   Breaking the cycle on generation at a time.

[SunnyMeadow]

I'm doing the very same thing Justme729! I'm going to be a hands on grandparent when it happens. This includes moving closer to my daughter and her husband, at their request. I'm going to be hands on but not pushy.

My children don't like my mom, she was never a caring grandma. She'd talk about all topics she liked and didn't ask a thing about their lives. Very one-sided relationship. I'll be breaking the cycle too. My sibling is also and is doing a fantastic job at being a caring grandparent. I'm looking at this sib's way of doing things vs. my mother's way.