Saw something today.

[Liketheducks]

I saw a video online today, that absolutely floored me.     Some people glorify tough times.   Tough times, build strong people.   When the going gets tough the tough get going, etc.  I've had it so tough.   

  However, it is the growth that we willingly undertake,  the willingness to break a cycle, the willingness to own our own happiness and future.....that is what should be glorified.   Tough times don't make tough people.....Resilience comes from a willingness to do the monumentally hard work to heal.     We are all super-humans right here.

[square]

I like it.

[Hilltop]

My husband has this viewpoint.  Tough times builds strong people.  Tough times can bring out the best in people or it can wipe them out. 

Resilience to work things out, to work on ourselves yes that is the hard work right there.  I mean someone can have a tough time and get themselves out of that in a physical sense and then never do the emotional work from it.  I see this a lot from the PD people in my life. Yes MIL moved away from her family but she kept the patterns of behaviours and traits that were detrimental.  My mother still has contact with all of her family but the relationships are bitter and toxic and hence her behaviour is still toxic.  Both MIL and my mother never did the work from hurt from their own parents.

Resilience to me is building within, that is where our strength is.  I mean at least on this forum we are all trying and learning.  That is something to be proud of.  On this forum is the emotional healing, acknowledging our fleas, our hurt etc and then working to do better.  I think it's very valuable.

[JustKeepTrying]

 

[escapingman]

On this forum is the emotional healing, acknowledging our fleas, our hurt etc and then working to do better.  I think it's very valuable.

That is so true, very much thanks to this forum I have got rid of most of my fleas. I realised when I had my first sessions with my therapist that I already worked so much on myself so I am not sure I actually need one. This forum is a gold mine!

[Stillirise]

Yes!! This is what I was relating to in the post about shame.  I used this mindset, that I'm tough, hard-working, and able to overcome the most challenging obstacles, to cover the shame, and justify staying in the very dysfunctional relationship I was in with my updxh.  We both came from FOO's where this was seen as a fact of life...life is hard, and only the toughest, hardest-working are successful. It may have paid off financially, but at a high cost otherwise.  Thankfully, I'm a much calmer, gentler person now, and while I'm still a work in progress, have learned to give myself the grace to work on letting go of that mindset.