What is even the point

[Ladymm]

I have this strong pull to evade far from my mother.

But what is even the point. She will keep her abuse anyway.

Now I dont work and she she thinks that im more vulnerable because I live in her appartment (im looking for a job in another city btw and I believe I will find it).

She doesnt understand what i do all the time alone at my home. She asks me why i don't come for a walk with them. I say I dont want to walk in the village they live because i dont like the people there (this is also true but the main point is i dont want to see them. I have no strenghth to be alone with them. If i visit always i take my husband and we meet just in their house or yard). And also every time i come with my husband again she asks me if we go for a walk. I told her 3000 times i dont want to go for a walk. She insists. And i decline,but it is frustrating.

Also 3000 times I declined to take their camper for holidays. And still she asks if i will take it.

Now my father had a prostate cancer operation (low degree cancer) and she became crazy. Twice she stopped in the parking in front of the appartament block where i live and said to come say hi. Twice i declined. They ddont want to visit them because they are scared of covid and the second time she stopped by like thisshe said ah come you will see your father from far (cos he went to the dr)..like he is dying. I felt too mich guilt and pressure. But i didnt go.

Also she was telling me how my father has incontinence which i find it inappropriate. Also she invents stories how my father siffers because of this or other things,like how he cant sleep. Now with this cancer she can be in the centre of attention on how she suffers together with him and support s him. But he himself never says he suffers or something. But i find it inappropriate for her to tell me about his incontinence. And hiw he has diapers. I mean this is a man in his 60s you dont go and share such private things. Thank god she didnt tell me he has also sexual problems. But in this time of high drama is possible she will go even this sinister

My sister is thwir golden child and they have her dog and take care of it like its a child. They are obsessed with this dog. And now she told me ah wouldnt you sit your sister s dog sometimes because we cant have her here so she doesnt jump on your father. I havent seen my sister or talked to her since new year,why would i do her favors?and why my mother asks me about thus?Btw the dog is trained to be home alone, and she in all thus drama takes the dog with herself to the job. Or takes her to grandma. Maybe the dog would feel better in my company but I will not take it because of boundaries. I will not be the slave she trained me to be. They treat the dog Like it is a 1 year old child and they all must be enmeshed in their f## drama. When i was 7 these same people had a dog who was put on a chain until he became aggressive and they had to put him to sleep!
To the question of my mom if i would sit the dog I said i dont know and she said is this a yes or no? I said i dont know. But in reality it is a no just i disnt know what to say.She caught me unprepared. She replied passive aggressively i will never ask you again to sit the dog.

But won't she? Of course she will ask me again! And soon! And about the camper!and to go for a walk! What one replies? And what one replies on oh why you dont want to sit the dog or go for a walk?

This is my sh#tty life. It is better to accept the truth. I will feel better when I move out of the flat in her property, but this will not stop her from being a narcissist and putting all this pressure on me with her seemingly innocent questions about dogs and campers, which are in reality just attempts to measure the level what someone called "slave resistance".

I did an important exam, quit the  job in my fathers company and they know im looking for a job in another city. I feel yhe more i go away the more she will press. But what you even say to a narc who asks you ah what i did wrong bringing you up? If i was absent you can spend the time with me now

Im frustrated thats it

[SunnyMeadow]

Sounds like you will have great relief once you move away from them. Getting a job in a different city is such a good idea. I think once you get distance from them, you can do more evading, gray rock and medium chill replies. I'd cut way back on talking to them, visiting them (if you plan to?)

You might even decide to go full no contact. Whatever it takes to protect yourself and live life without their crap. 

[sunshine702]

There is such a frustration when "no" or "no thank you" or even "no not right now but maybe in the future" is not ACCEPTED.

That is the gas lighting. It's their reality.  No past - that ypu have explained things 1000 times before.  Nope fantasyland.

Distance.  Explaining your yes and no to normal people and having it undersood and accepted.  Such a good feeling.

Deaking eith crazy making guilt tripping uncomforable conversations people is frustrating. I hear you.