What the ?

[StartingHealing]

Hello all.

(Moderators)  If this is in the wrong place please move it

Felt the need to post this.  I'm trying to work it out.  Spouse has a type of PD.  No official diagnosis since therapy is for weak people according to her.  Been coming Out of the FOG over the last 1/2  year or so.  I asked a similar question on a different board and well, the replies were less than helpful.

Common behaviors of PD.  Editing memories, playing the victim, attempted gaslighting,  shaming,  body shaming, so on and so forth.

There has been a pattern recently of her complaining about how other people are being bullies to others.  Various things,  people taking the leash off a dog they are walking at a public park.  Supposedly that triggers her "PSTD".  Admittedly there have been events  where WE were charged by a dog while walking our dog. But I'm at a loss on how those events (short duration, not very many) caused PTSD.

  There is also a market where we set up to hopefully sell items she makes like purses etc.   There have been occasions where people drove through where the vendors were set up.   True, not a safe action, moved vehicles around to block that action.   There were only 2 occasions of this happening.

As I have come Out of the FOG, more and more, I had a thought that her complaining about other people being "bullies" is that more being the victim or is she projecting what she attempts to do to me?

She has also said to me during the times where she is having an episode? Rage? whatever you want to call it, where she threated, divorce, self - deletion, self - harm.  Which are attempts to emotionally manipulate me.  Oh yeah, she also has made it my fault for everything "wrong" in our relationship.  I'm at fault for the shitty relationship she has between her son and my daughter, I'm at fault for when she "feels" like self-deletion.  Sigh.

I do have understanding of the fear of being abandoned since I am an adoptee.   So I can and do empathize with certain aspects of her experience.

Over the years prior to me coming Out of the FOG, I believe that I took her criticism as actual fact.  I didn't mention that she would also body shame me. My unit is above average, and technique was exceptional according to former partners, Yeah I had to reach out to them to get their perspective.  More of an objective perspective.

Every time we were intimate, there was always some "wrong", like certain positions didn't give the closeness she was expecting? Desiring? Yet those positions were used for her comfort.  And yes, every single time I was certain that she achieved  satisfaction.   Occasionally, I would say maybe 1 out of 25-30, we would actually cuddle after.  Usually it was something where there needed to be a instant clean up.

She also does emotional  / bored eating. 

Anyway, after being beat about my person with metaphorical 2x4's around being intimate with her before coming Out of the FOG,

how does person over come that to even possibly getting to a point where I can initiate intimacy?   Not necessarily for her specifically, but for my own self. 

Questions? Comments? Please post

[notrightinthehead]

In addition to what user wrote I suggest you read the list of traits on the personality disorders tab. That might help you to clarify what you are dealing with.