Weed is work

[Jesse7319]

Ok so my NPD husband lost his job when I was 7 months pregnant, we were planning on moving after the baby was born to be closer to my parents so to fill the gap he started growing weed to make money, it's legal in our state. Anyway fast forward 3 years later and he's still only growing weed for a living. I really hate it, like really. It would be fine for a hobby on the side but not as full fledged career choice. I have tried talking to him about getting a job and he gets really mad and says it would cost more for him to get a job than to not, since he would have to drive to work and buy lunch and all this other ridiculous shit and I have no idea how to respond to that since it's so nuts. Now his new thing is on the weekends he is gone all day smoking weed with his friends while I am home caring for our toddler. He refers to these outings as work and his friends as co workers. I am so at a loss for how to respond to this shit, it's such obvious gaslighting and makes really no sense at all that I don't know how to respond. I am a very logical person and the things he says don't compute for me and I'm left dumbfounded. Help!!! How do I respond to him when he so obviously gaslights me?

[notrightinthehead]

So you don't approve of his career choice nor of his choice of leisure activity.  Maybe it is time to set some boundaries. Firstly I would clarify for myself what exactly I want and what the consequences will be if this does not happen. I would make sure I am willing to implement these consequences.  You could tell him that your set-up does not work for you anymore,  that you would like him to do a, b, and c by a certain date and if that does not happen you will do e, f, g.
You have to understand however,  that your husband is an adult and can make his own choices.  Just as you expect him to respect your choices, you will have to respect his right to make his own choices.

[1footouttadefog]

If you want to stay married but have issues with his lack of support perhaps you should keep your money in separate accounts and split the bills down the middle. 

Then ask him for his part of the bills.  He can either grow more pot or it will become clear he needs a new job or another one.

If he complains tell him child support on top of paying how own rent and electric bills etc will cost even more.

[JustKeepTrying]

 

Perhaps give him a spreadsheet with the info of the bills and expected contribution.  Ask to see the P/L of his business so you know what to expect in contribution.

But the bottom line is, as much as you can be reasonable, he will not and can not.  So ask yourself, how much will I put up with?  Can I do this on my own?  What do I really need from him - and then base your actions on those needs.