Broke NC in August after 6+ years. I now regret it

[footprint33]

Hi community,

If anyone has a story similar to this and can help out with advice, or if you can help me with some words of encouragement as I get back in the NC saddle, I'd be so appreciative.

I had already been VLC with both of my NPD parents for about 6 years (beginning in 2009) and then went full NC in 2016. After I did that, my life got better and I felt better. I'm the SG daughter who bent over backwards for years and took abuse upon abuse. There are too many examples, but NPD parents have shown me that they are not just narcissistic, they are malignant and have gone out of their way to hurt me, including my physical well being. To give one example, I was in a very bad car accident in 2002 and they did not come to the hospital the evening that it happened even though a nurse called them and said I was in critical condition, and they showed little interest for me when I was in the ICU and hospital, though they called almost everyone they knew the first week I was in the hospital and said they were distraught. Indeed, when I was recovering, I had to hear several people say, "this has been so hard for your parents," when in fact, my parents were barely ever in the hospital or by my side. They then outright sabotaged both my physical needs and the legal help I needed (I had 3 skull fractures and a hematoma on my brain, so was quite incapacitated and unable to fend for myself at the time). That is a very long story, but it was one of the many events that helped to get me Out of the FOG.

Over the past few years, I haven't thought much about NPD parents, though I had a hanging worry about how I might handle things when they die.

Last summer, a remote contact advised me that my NPD father was dying. After much thought, I decided that I should contact him. I went into it knowing that there was little chance for change, and I did not want to say much. I simply wanted to say that I wished him well and leave it at that. I live very far away from NPD parents and all communication is through email (both parents have been blocked on the phone for years). So I sent a very short email to wish him well. I said very little else. 

At the time, I felt that I was doing it for myself and not for my father. I reckon I was bothered by the idea that he could go to the grave thinking I was enraged at him. We never had a big blow up argument when I went NC. Instead, I had faded from VLC to NC over the years. But I knew that he and my mother had presented me as an angry person to the world and I guess I felt that I might have regrets at never showing that I wasn't angry in the end.

Initially, NPD father sent a gushy email back. The focus was on him and he told me how great things were going for him. He didn't ask about me or my family (husband and 2 kids), nor did he express any interest in me, nor any remorse about anything from the past. I sent back a short email just stating that all was well for me and my family and that I'd been sorry to hear he was ill. I again wished him well. My emails were not gushy at all. I wouldn't say that they were cold, but I did not want to express much emotion.

After that, he sent nothing to me for 15 days. I knew right then that there had been no change at all in the 6 years I'd been NC. I have 2 kids and know that were the scenario that has happened with me and my parents to happen with me and my children, I would react so differently from the way my father reacted to me. I would be so happy to be in contact with them if we were ever to become estranged (doubt that will ever happen as the dynamics in my family are very different from that in my FOO). The next contact I got from him (15 days later) was a very short and curt email with a pic of him and my NPD mom sitting in a bar laughing. He had still not asked me a single question about me, my husband or our two kids. I know from the shared social network that he has been telling people he cares so much for us and doesn't know what happened. As it was in the past when I had similarly held out olive branches even after being abused by him and my mother, NPD father's talk doesn't match his actions. It's just talk and part of the show. He never contacted me again and I think he was actually bothered by the fact that I had contacted him because it calls his bluff.

I've written here recently about what happened next. NPD father forwarded an email to me in January, coldly notifying me that my godmother had died. He said nothing else and had sent nothing else since the summer when we were in contact. My parents have always used deaths and tragedies as ways to one up others, and I feel that this is what he was doing with the forwarded email about my godmother's death.

I never responded to that email and then re-blocked him on email. I've been triggered by all of this, however, and a part of me regrets that I ever broke NC in the first place. Then again, I think that I had some unresolved hopes or thoughts related to my father, and now I can definitely put those to rest. As for my NPD mother, she's actually the worse of the two and I have put that relationship fully to rest for a long time.

For anyone who has read this, I would also say something I'd heard others say before I broke NC: don't break NC! If your parents are malignant narcissists, something will most likely go awry for you when you break NC.

Thanks for listening,
footprint

[Leonor]

Hi footprint,

I'm sorry that your kind gesture to reach out and acknowledge your dad's illness was met with more cruelty and indifference.

Please don't beat yourself up about this; you didn't break any rules, or betray any principles, or mistreat yourself or anyone else. We're so used to accepting responsibility for our parents' misbehavior that we still find ways to punish ourselves in our healing: "I should have listened to other people," "I oughtn't have contacted them," "When will I ever learn?" It's the same message: I'm defective, I'm stupid, I'm unworthy.

You are worthy! And you are kind, to reach out to an old man in his illness and act from your heart: "I wish you well. I wish you peace."

The fact that he was unable to receive this kindness doesn't make you stupid or defective. The fact that you feel the old ache of rejection and disappointment doesn't make you damaged or a failure. It's not a mistake or a slip-up or unforced error on your part. It just means you are a kind-hearted person who acted out of a kind place and was met with unkindness. Of course there will be trace of that unkindness on your heart.

It's like scraping your knee: the fact that you have a scrape on your knee doesn't mean that your knee has failed you somehow. It stings because it's scraped. That's healthy, for it to sting. And you don't go about making the pain even worse as a way to make it better. You don't spend the day hating on your knee and calling it names. No, you tend to it with a gentle wash, some antibiotic ointment, and a clean bandage. (Some loving moms will even add a little 😘 to pour love on that scraped knee. Go ahead! Give your poor knee a little love!) And then you go about your day, knowing that the sting will fade and the knee will heal right up, no need to worry or give it another thought.

So you give yourself a little love and kiss, and go about your day, knowing that your heart got a little scraped up but it will heal soon if you tend to it a bit with the same kindness you show others.

[bee well]

Hi footprint,

I  second what Leonor has expressed so well in her response to you:

I'm sorry your kindness was received in such an unloving way. Just because this happened, does not mean you cannot get up and become stronger from it. This is not a failure.

What you have written about is a harsh reminder for why you ended up in NC in the first place. And then ther is this, wow...:

" NPD father forwarded an email to me in January, coldly notifying me that my godmother had died. He said nothing else and had sent nothing else since the summer when we were in contact. My parents have always used deaths and tragedies as ways to one up others, and I feel that this is what he was doing with the forwarded email about my godmother's death.

I never responded to that email and then re-blocked him on email. I've been triggered by all of this, however, and a part of me regrets that I ever broke NC in the first place. Then again, I think that I had some unresolved hopes or thoughts related to my father, and now I can definitely put those to rest."

I am in NC, VVLC with other side of family. With VVLC side, there is push pull. Sometimes there will be nice emails, then long long silences, and after I reach out, I get one line or a few line answers. It leaves me feel uneasy even if I know there is nothing wrong with me.

I have long wondered what I would do if I get announcements of death or illness from side of the family with whom I am in NC.  Whatever I do at that time, I know it will not change them, I don't know what the future holds but  I will remember what I read here if and when that day comes. So thank you, for sharing.

You did what you felt was right to do at that time. It took courage for you to do that not knowing what the response would be.

That is was triggering to you is not surprising or unusual. Our feelings may change the longer we are in no contact, but we are still human! We may even at times doubt what we have know to be true. I hope you won't  judge yourself for any of this, or any other reaction you may be having.

Please give yourself some TLC, and if necessary a little time to lick your wounds. You deserve it.

A big hug to you.

[Blueberry Pancakes]

I think our NPD parent presenting us as angry when in reality we are not, is something that sticks in my craw.  I believe it is the only acceptable way they can explain our NC to the outside world, but to me it seems like just more abuse heaped on. It is so tempting to want to set the record straight.

I also think it is because we are not 'angry' that even when we are NC, we do not sometimes shut the door forever. In times of our parent being ill, or perhaps dying, we are open to the thought of having some level of contact and in the process risk exposure to mistreatment again even if only temporarily. I have done this myself. I just want to say to please do not be harsh on yourself. You acted in ways that were right for you, and realized that unfortunately others were not able to accept the generosity of your time and attentiveness. This is not your fault. Nothing about what they did is your fault. Maybe you can take this as just more validation of your reasons for NC.

[footprint33]

Thank you so much for these incredible responses. It is hard to express through writing how much they mean to me at this time. Your written words have literally uplifted me and make me feel so much less isolated.

Leonor, I am not a person to cry, in part because NPD parents scorned me anytime I cried. But I cried when I read your message. Thank you for seeing me. You're right, it wasn't a mistake to show kindness and the fact that it failed doesn't make me a failure or a bad person. NPD father's response and also lack of response both indicate that I have done something wrong, that I am a bad person. But it's like you say--it's like the scrape. It's not the knees fault that it got scraped. I have a very long history of being the one in the family to uphold the others, to carry them on my backs, to show kindness even in the face of cruelty. They have still always tried to depict me as wrong or a bad person. I really think that my kindness has bothered them to a great degree. When I went NC, they could finally depict me as an unkind person. For whatever reason, I have continued to be the way that I am.

bee well, I also really appreciated what you said and thank you for sharing some of your story in this context. One bit of hope I have in my heart is that I actually did the right thing here and that in the long run it will pan out. Basically, maybe I'm enduring some pain now but I have an overarching sense that when my parents die, I won't have any regrets---I literally reached out so many times, including this one, only to be rejected and mistreated. Both of my parents have done highly toxic things since as far back as I can remember. However, my NPD mother was the worse of the two. During my years of NC, I felt that maybe there was a chance that my father had some affection for me because I have a few small memories from childhood when he seemed to be nice (I literally have zero memories of my mother being nice to me). But the reality is that my father is also a malignant narcissist. For those of us who have two malignant NPD parents, I think we often try to depict one of the two as the better one, when the reality is that they are sadly both in the same boat.

Blueberry Pancakes, yes, they want to depict us as angry! And it's like you say, we are forgiving and empathetic and that's what makes us give these people more chances. I know through the grapevine that they have told a number of lies to cover up their actions, always blaming me and depicting me as full of hatred and anger. The reality is that I was angry and distraught when the final straw broke the camel's back, which was in 2009, only four weeks after my first child's birth and they were incredibly cruel to me. I wasn't over the top angry and didn't do anything bad, but I did express to them that what they had done was cruel and that I knew they were cruel people. But I had every right to be angry and sad then, and I needed to go through those emotions in order to move on. What I see malignant NPD parent doing is this: they treat you so cruelly that of course you become angry. That's what any normal people would do/feel. Then, they turn it around on you and ignore all they've done but just point to your reaction. Classic gaslighting.

Thank you three so much. You have really helped me.

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[donutmoonpanda]

You did nothing wrong. It's sad that your kind gesture can't be received by these people. I don't think you should torture yourself over the decision to break NC. I think it's perfectly understandable. The situation changed, your father was sick, and it's hard to resolve end-of-life concerns before they're actually starting to happen in front of your eyes. Your perfectly normal brain and heart did a perfectly normal thing for the right reasons. Sadly, nothing has changed. Shut the door, NC again.

I think it's a testament to your resilience that you reached out to him. To have the kind of optimistic spirit it takes to do that, and to do something so difficult because you needed it for yourself. That's excellent self-care.

My En-Mom is much more difficult to read than my NPD Dad. It's easy to stay far away from that guy. But she's a different story. And she pulls similar superficial stunts like your dad, "he has been telling people he cares so much for us and doesn't know what happened." She plays the part of good mother and I get sucked back in. But each time I learn (like Blueberry said) that NC was the right choice. Each time I see a little more of who she really is and it validates NC. In your case, you learn about the lies they tell, and that's validating.

"For those of us who have two malignant NPD parents, I think we often try to depict one of the two as the better one, when the reality is that they are sadly both in the same boat." - That speaks to the push-pull I've felt with my mother my entire life. She is a co-abuser and it's hard for me to see and accept that because in survival mode my brain didn't allow me to see it.

I have a sense of numbness about my parents approaching the end of their lives. I hope that it will bring closure, but who knows. I do know that if I died, it would just be some little anecdote to them. Something for them to use to play the martyr, to pretend to be hurt and sad to get attention from others. My death would just be some distortion of reality used to cultivate their image. Knowing that helps me with NC

[footprint33]

I think it's a testament to your resilience that you reached out to him. To have the kind of optimistic spirit it takes to do that, and to do something so difficult because you needed it for yourself. That's excellent self-care.

This is really beautiful, thank you, donutmoonpanda. That's the thing, I feel like I'm an eternal optimist. Yes, I get dismayed by my parents and other things in the world, but I always pick up and move on, trying to make positive changes in myself and in the world. But it's like Blueberry Pancakes says, they want to make us out to be angry, unhappy people. I guess that's classic projection. They are the deeply angry and unhappy ones at the core. We may feel anger and unhappiness at times, but those feelings don't define who we are.

I do know that if I died, it would just be some little anecdote to them. Something for them to use to play the martyr, to pretend to be hurt and sad to get attention from others. My death would just be some distortion of reality used to cultivate their image. Knowing that helps me with NC

Yes, I feel this way too. When I had that big accident and almost died 20 years ago, they literally did nothing for me and yet then put on a big show for others, making themselves out to be martyrs.

One good thing that has come out of all of this is that I have for years felt very unsteady about how I'll handle their deaths. The interaction with my father has made me feel confident that NC is the way to go and that I shouldn't regret no longer being in touch with them. As you say, it's hard to know what we'll think when they die. Maybe it will be hard, I don't know. But I feel that I've already mourned them and grieved the loss, so I don't imagine being very upset about it at this point. In fact, I'm thinking it even might bring some sense of peace for me. We'll see.

footprint

[Call Me Cordelia]

Hugs, footprint. You have a good heart and you gave an undeserved but genuine gift to your parents. You WERE a gift to them. As others have said it says everything about them and nothing about you that they threw it in your face and simply continued to abuse you. "Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness does not comprehend it."

The thing where you almost died... wow that's really beyond the pale. Donutmoon's observations about what if I had died ring true to me as well. I was never near death, but my illness was used similarly to gain supply and sympathy from others, while in actual fact my FOO offered me no care at all. Just posted and embellished any information I gave them to ask for "prayers." When I told my parents I was well again, I saw disappointment in my mother's face and anger in my father's. I too have two malignant parents, and right up until NC was necessary, I considered mom the "good one," although I already knew that they were a package deal. Sharing this with you as further validation that if you are feeling this way about your parents, there is a real reason and it's that they have behaved this way. You aren't the only one to have these experiences and gone through these confusing and heartbreaking revelations, even years after first setting the boundaries needed to protect your heart.

[footprint33]

Thank you, Call Me Cordelia, I really appreciate it. If your parents are malignant, then you get what they're capable of. It is so hard to describe this to anyone who has not dealt with it personally. I was recently in touch with an old friend I haven't seen in 20 years. We lost touch over the years. She knew my FOO, though not all that well (she was a college friend who didn't see them all that much). I of course didn't go into all the details with her, but I explained that I no longer have contact with FOO and hadn't for years. She was shocked but then we talked about some of the details, like the car accident, she seemed to believe me. Later, she said to me, "You know, Footprint, if I didn't know you, I'd think you were lying about all this. It is just so unbelievable. But I know you, and I know it's true. I'm so sorry you've been so alone."

It is amazing that this old friend has validated and supported me. However, my point of bringing it up here is to say that people who don't live this don't generally believe that it can happen. This puts us in an absolute double bind:  first, we are abused by the FOO. Then, we are doubted by the larger social network because what NPD parents have done to us is so horrible that people often don't believe it, or even worse, they assume that we did something horrible to NPD parents.

In the past, this would have just been called plain "evil."

footprint

[Leonor]

There are plenty of tough, hard, inflexible people in the world. Many people call them "strong."

There are not enough gentle, kind, curious people in the world. I call them "strong."

[bee well]

Hi footprint,

There are so many commonalities between those of us in this forum, it belies coincidence. I'm sure we come from different backgrounds and of you put us all in a room we would seems like a motley crew. We are different but one. It's a comfort to know to know we are not alone in spite of the the mind blowing realization that cruelty is so common. We see it in the news, but many people are numbed and feel they are different until they hear others' stories.

I am glad you found comfort here, and glad to see the loving responses. They give me comfort too.

There is good in the World.

[footprint33]

Thank you, Leonor and bee well, your words really helped me this week. I think one of the problems is that we feel very isolated. I've dealt with some big aggressions from NPD parents over the years, but I rarely told anyone about them. So now I'm locked in memories and often feel regret that I never reached out for help when I was younger. But perhaps the more toxic aggressions are the micro-aggressions. The thousands of them endured over many years. For me, I started to figure things out when I was 34 and began protecting myself then. I'm now 47 and have made a lot of progress. However, that history of those aggressions--both the big ones and the small ones--haunts me. NPD parents have gotten away with so much. To make things worse, they have made me out to be a bad person to others. I have a very large extended family and have been ostracized by all but one cousin, for example. She has been a lifesaver and knows exactly what it's like because her mother, one of my father's 9 sisters, was the same sort of malignant narcissist that my parents are.

I never did anything other than love my parents and was the "good girl." After all they've done to me, the fact that they've been able to depict me as bad in any way, shape or form is sheer injustice. They have told blatant lies and also twisted truths to support them. Yet, the extended family members have bullied me and have done mean things, like sending pics of all of them hanging out with my parents and brothers, clearly trying to further scapegoat me and let it be known that I am the ostracized one. It's like the truth doesn't matter at all.

I am fortunate to have a wonderful husband, someone who knew my NPD parents were toxic very early on (beginning with when he met my mother for the first time and she said, "oh, how do you manage with footprint? She's SO difficult." He responded, "footprint is not difficult at all, she's the sweetest woman I've ever met." You should have seen NPD mom's face when he stood up for me like that). He encourages me, telling me that justice is being served because I'm living a good life, and with the exception of having reached out to NPD father this year, have largely put them behind me. I think he's right, and that this is a helpful way to understand justice--living our own lives is justice. NPD parents and others in that family are miserable, that's why they do the things they do. Still, it seems so wrong to me that NPD parents have gotten away with all they've done and that there's no retribution for them.

Anyhow, thanks for all of your support, and hugs back to you. Have a lovely day and weekend!



footprint

[Tribe16]

It's like scraping your knee: the fact that you have a scrape on your knee doesn't mean that your knee has failed you somehow. It stings because it's scraped. That's healthy, for it to sting. And you don't go about making the pain even worse as a way to make it better. You don't spend the day hating on your knee and calling it names. No, you tend to it with a gentle wash, some antibiotic ointment, and a clean bandage. (Some loving moms will even add a little 😘 to pour love on that scraped knee. Go ahead! Give your poor knee a little love!) And then you go about your day, knowing that the sting will fade and the knee will heal right up, no need to worry or give it another thought.

So you give yourself a little love and kiss, and go about your day, knowing that your heart got a little scraped up but it will heal soon if you tend to it a bit with the same kindness you show others.

That is beautiful Leonor. Can't add anything better than this Footprint, other than wishing you peace and love.

[bee well]

Hi footprint,

You started to wake up in your 30's. Some of us have taken decades longer. For anyone reading this, i's never too late to wake up.

The sheer injustice of it all is mindboggling. The isolation can take it's toll, and those photos are a powerful covert weapon. I hope you are not alone when and if you open future communications.

The importance of having one person in your life who understands cannot be over estimated. I am glad you have your loving DH to support you in your healing journey.

This is priceless:

"You should have seen NPD mom's face when he stood up for me like that.."

I'll leave it with that.

You have a good weekend too!!!! :=)

[footprint33]

Hi bee well,

I was in an in-person support group back in 2014 for children of narcissistic parents. There was a woman there who was much older than I and had only recently realized her late mother was a malignant narcissist. Her late father was the enabler. This woman was the clear SG in the family, with an older sister who was the GC. Her whole life had been manipulated and damaged by both of the parents. As a final insult to her, her father had left her nothing when he died (her NPD mom had died years earlier), giving everything to his new wife and the GC sister.

I'm still in touch with that woman and try to support her whenever I can. Her path is much more difficult than mine. Fortunately, she has found some clarity in her life now that she knows her parents were disordered and that everything wasn't her fault.

My point in telling this woman's story is that I've realized how lucky I was to realize who my NPD parents were when I was in my 30s. Like many children of NPD parents, I have berated myself and wondered why I did not cut ties when I was much younger. I knew very early on that something was off in the family and that my parents were doing toxic things, and I remember a specific incident that happened when I was a mere 19 years old and I said to myself, "not again, I need to get away from this family." But it took me another 15 years to realize it more fully.

"The sheer injustice of it all is mindboggling. The isolation can take it's toll, and those photos are a powerful covert weapon. I hope you are not alone when and if you open future communications."

I've blocked many of the people who send those sorts of communications, and I have none of them on social media. The problem is that the family is very large and some of the pics and communications seep through to me anyhow. Cousins and aunts once in a while send me snail mail, for example, and they will tell me something about NPD parents or the family. But I am very fortunate to have my husband, and as you say, the support there has been foundational. I do believe that my parents are not the only ones in the family with NPD. Working closely through our memories with the cousin I'm close to who is also NC with her FOO, we believe that the entire larger FOO is a narcissistic entity unto itself, functioning at this point more like a cult than a family.  She and I are just like ostracized former cult members---the truth tellers who are banished, smeared and retaliated against.

Thanks for all the support here, it has been very important to me.

footprint

[mary_poppins]

Yeah, it's not worth it to break NC. I broke a 4 year NC with the entire family. I still remember what I felt before that: I was missing them and was obsessed with knowing if they were OK and well. I was depressed for being an orphan and having no one to call 'family'.
My family thought that I went NC with them because I was mentally unwell. Ha ha.

Brother would constantly tell my mother (behind my back) that I have issues and perhaps they used my 'issues' to justify why I went NC.
These people will give any meaning they want to NC. This meaning will of course favor their character and assasinate ours so they would have a chance to 'win' at NC. For them NC is a declaration of war. If you cut them out it means you go out of their way to hurt them and incriminate them (or punish them). Therefore, they need to fight back and hurt you back. They'll make sure you pay for what you've done.

But as Leanor said, for you breaking NC for a while is just a scrape on your knee. It won't damage your whole body, it's just a small bruise on a small part of the body. Let the bruise heal. Cause it will heal.

In my case, the pain of resuming contact is quite big and I will need to spend months treating my broken leg. But this doesn't mean it won't heal.

[kethartikt0kb00m]

The worst part about dealing with NPD people is they believe they are the victims and they believe everything they are doing is justified no matter how hurtful. It's disturbing that some people can look in the mirror and still not see what they are doing.

It was very good thinking on your part to respond with your head and not your heart. It's a vulnerable place that could easily be exploited. Using your thinking keeps you fair and reasonable without being emotional wherethey can paint you badly.

I think NPD parents have a false self they must keep up and has to paint things like they're the caring parents. That they are saints who no matter how much they've been hurt by their selfish family
member they are still loving their lives and living it up almost immediately without a care in the world. But true growth and change isn't that quick, and their true selves can't do that forever.

I'm sorry about what went down with your godmother. I don't mess around when it comes to those who passes away. Those boundaries don't seem to even matter to NPD. I've experienced this before and I still get a lot of intrusive thoughts and triggers from things done to me years ago. One video I watched explains that we as children of the parents can't help but love them even though we mentally know they hurt us and will continue to. It's normal to want to try and work something out even if your better judgement tells you it might not be such a good idea. Don't see this as you taking step back. See it as you falling forward; you learned something from the action.

[footprint33]

Thank you mary_poppins and kethartick, I'm feeling much better the past week or two and am realizing that I was triggered and am coming out of it. One thing I've seen over the past 12 years is that when I have a bad trigger, I actually seem to move up to a new level later when I come out of the trigger. The triggers can be very bad for me when I'm in them, but I always come out of them. When I wrote this thread, I was in the trigger.

All of the responses I've received here have helped me to move past the trigger. Leonor's response was the first one I received, and when I read it, I cried a lot. There was some sort of release that happened that day and it has helped me to move past this trigger.

I'm feeling that in the long run, it was important for me to contact my father in the way that I did. There wasn't much contact, it was just me popping in to say that I'd heard he was ill and wanted wished him well. It was a golden opportunity for him to reconnect with me, but he did not. His not asking a word about my kids and family, and then giving me the silent treatment were painful but were what I needed to know that he has not changed and never will. I'm now NC again and feel at peace with never being in contact with him again. I had reached that peace years ago in being NC with my mother, but there were still some remaining feelings I had for my father, and I guess I needed to reach out one last time before he dies.

As for my godmother, I'm at peace with her passing. She last wrote to me in 2015--it was an email and she wanted to express her "concern" for me, which as some of us here know is just a way of saying that there must be something wrong with us, invalidating our experiences and trying to make our lives out to be something that they are not. There was never any reason for her to feel concern for me, my life is fine. She was very close to both of my parents. At that particular time when I received her email, I was abroad for a work trip and was doing really well in life. It was also my 41st birthday and I celebrated it with good friends who live abroad. I wrote back to her and told her that all was great, sent her pictures of me, my husband and kids, and I was very loving. I told her that I hoped she and her family were doing well. She did not respond. Nothing. And I never heard from her again. You see, living a good life was not what she wanted to hear. It didn't fit the narrative that my NPD parents and their proxies have tried to spread about me, which is that my life is not good and that I am a troubled person.

Thanks for all of your thoughts and kindness.
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