How to deal with narc tendencies in myself?

[NarcKiddo]

Someone on another thread mentioned Kris Godinez and I shall be checking out her YouTube channel.

On her website she lists some red flags of abuse and says they follow a particular pattern:

Love bombing
Mirroring
Mask wearing

I've done those three pretty much without fail when starting any new relationship.

Then it goes on to isolation, devaluing, gaslighting, discrediting, discarding and hoovering. I have discarded people but to my knowledge I have not done any of the other things.

I guess it is no surprise that I might have such traits. We have a long line of mental issues down my mother's side. One reason I did not have children was that I could not entirely trust myself not to be at least a little bit like my mother.

I also have other unhealthy tendencies which may be borne of being the daughter of a uNPD, or may be my own, or a mixture. Obsessive behaviour, bottling things up, emotional over-reactions etc etc. I have a tendency when trying to help people to bring up anecdotes about my personal experiences. Then, when I read back if it's online, it kind of looks like I'm making it about me. That's not my conscious intention, but I do it a lot.

Does anyone relate? Any tips for managing such behaviours? I've heard it suggested that if you think you are a narc, you actually aren't, but is that true?

[escapingman]

You are most likely not a Narc if you think you might be one. What you could have is a lot of fleas, look it up in the resource section.

[JustKeepTrying]

It sounds like fleas to me and yes I also do all of that as well - or have - and catch myself - and try to change - grow - all of which a pd can't.

Consider a therapist or journalizing or emotional check ins with yourself so you can begin to recognize the behavior as it happens and make adjustments.  When we don't grow up with good modeling - we don't know what appropriate behavior looks like.

[1footouttadefog]

I found it useful to review the 100 traits list on this site in the toolbox area.  I marked which ones I did and whether habitually or in response to fear or abuse. 

It helped me to evaluate where I stood in regard to narc or od behaviours.  I also marked those that I was living with or had lived with. 

I had some habits that needed changed and others I still struggle with.  I own these but was pleased that few were my default mode of operation.  Others were things I resorted to in 'battle'.  If course understanding that survival and battle mode should not be normal was part of the journey. 

At the same time I learned and an still learning which of these forms of abuse subtke and not so subtle I am vulnerable to and becoming wise to them have been lessons that help me in my day to day not to become mired in the lives of PD people.