Resources for how to overcome self-sabotage

[Amadahy]

Hi, all,

Self-sabotage is my nemesis.  Too many times to count, I have a "plan" (for projects or career moves or self-help) and I make some progress, but then become terrified and bail.  Or, as now, I divert my attention onto something "safe," like potentially accepting a job offer that I could do fairly easily without too much of a learning curve or challenge. 

I have been studying a healing modality for a bit now and am part of a business course to learn how to use this modality bring in income.  This past week, I was massively triggered when we began talking about revenue, finances, taxes, licenses, etc. as one of my biggest triggers with c-ptsd is "authority" (i.e., government, anything "official" right down to the US Mail, etc.).  Yeah, it's pretty miserable ....

So, now, I want to bail.  I have a chance at an office job that would be steady income, with pleasant people, that wouldn't tax me too much emotionally, etc.  I cannot determine if I need to pursue the "safe" option or the other, which really does spark my creative interests (and has helped me, personally, too -- although by this pitiful account may not be apparent).

Does anyone have suggestions for a resource to address self-sabotage?  I "know" logically the things I should/could/ought to do, but I have been unsuccessful in thinking my way out of this one, as is true with most trauma.  Thanks and much love.

[notrightinthehead]

Can you do both? Have a safe income and build the business on the side?

Recently I have discovered the Crappy Childhood Fairy on YouTube. I am binge watching her. Maybe that could be helpful to you too. Also, I listen to positive affirmations a lot, for specific problems like uncluttering for example. My theory is that I have received so many negative messages from FOO and H that were not true, yet stick in my mind because they were repeated so often or screamed at me, that I need to have positive messages to balance things out. There is so much out there, you will be amazed. I hope you find something useful for you.

[Amadahy]

Thanks, notright.  I laughed when I read your response, for I had the thought "Why can't you try both?" just after posting.  Black and white thinking is part of my makeup, for whatever reason (c-ptsd, adhd, or just a quirk).  Thanks for affirmation.

I like Crappy Childhood Fairy! I'm glad you've found her.  I need to just take time to do the things.  Also part of my makeup is knowing the things, but not doing the things.  LOL. 

Thanks for your ideas and for responding.  xoxo