Judgement about No Contact

[TiredOfNarcs]

I've been doing a little bit of revisiting Game of Thrones and I distinctly remember how two of the actors, Lena Headey and Jerome Flynn, refused to be in the same room, resulting in their characters never crossing paths. I remember how everyone mocked them for their refusal to be in the same room, calling it "petty" and "childish." And that got me to thinking about how quick to judgement so many people are when it comes to people wanting no contact with PD exes. I was called similar things when I said I never wanted to be in the same vicinity as one of my exes. To this day, that ex is the one person I absolutely refuse to be in the same room as. Not because I'm being "petty" or "dramatic" or just trying to make a point, but because that man actively triggers me, even if I know I am in no immediate danger from him. I refuse to risk triggering years-old flashbacks by seeing the man who repeatedly SA'd me and psychologically traumatized me as a teenager again. I refuse to put myself through that kind of distress. I would spend the rest of my life indefinitely stuck in an elevator with my recent narc ex before spending a second of it with the ASPD ex that came before.

Basically what I'm getting at is that I find it insanely unfair that people feel like they have license to make assumptions and moral judgements of people who refuse to share a space with their ex. You don't know anything about their situation. You don't have to know anything about their situation. Normalize no contact as a respectable action.

[moglow]

I think it's seen as petty and peevish by those who practice or have been subject to silent treatment. There's a big difference between silent treatment [punitive] and no contact [self-protection], but people don't always recognize it. If I choose to avoid someone, that's my stuff and I owe no one an explanation. Why this expectation that we "stay friends" with an ex anyway? In damn near every instance that comes to mind "we'll still be friends" or "I think we should only be friends" simply never happened - because we/they never WERE actually friends.

At the end of the day I try to remember that other people's judgments will always say more about them than it ever will about me.

[Starboard Song]

Spot on, both of you.

Yep, people judge us for NC sometimes. And yep yep, it is hard for people to understand the difference between Silent Treatments, which are manipulative and punitive, and NC, which is neither. And yep yep yep, there are tons of legit reasons why we might want to keep our distance.

My Stuff - Your Stuff is not just a coping tactic for dealing with PD people. It is true for all interpersonal relationships: even the most healthy. And other people's judgment of us for NC is their stuff. I need them to not be hostile and in my face about it, but that is all I need.  I never attempt to persuade anyone regarding my NC: informing them is sufficient.

[1footouttadefog]

You know your truth and have a right to be no contact.  Don't let others opinions take your power away.  Stay strong.