Nasty comment from coworker

[Laurie]

I recently did a 360 at my workplace.  While there were many positive comments and some constructive criticism, one comment stood out as extremely nasty.  The colleague said I had claimed other people's work as my own to impress certain managers, that I care only about myself, and that my work was of low quality.  I've been trying to figure out how they could have come to such a conclusion.  The only thing I can think of is that over the last couple years, I have been directed to help some coworkers meet their goals.  This extra work (more than a couple weeks worth) took time away from my own projects, sometimes resulting in company holiday I couldn't take and weekends I had to work.  I thought it was only fair to mention this extra work for my end of year performance review.  I didn't claim credit for their projects, but only for the assistance I gave.  When others have helped me, I expect them to take credit for giving that help.   

I can think of two people who might have provided these comments.  One is the person I helped, and the other often says negative things about other people.  I think it best not to say anything to either of them in case that might trigger additional anger from them.  If my boss makes me help out the same person again, I'm a bit worried how to approach that situation in case my "taking credit" for helping gets me in trouble.  Any advice would be appreciated. 

[SonofThunder]

Hi Laurie,

From your explanation, all you did was document the truth of your 'directed' experiences and extra work. Sounds like jealousy on the part of the coworker. 

You wrote "gets me in trouble",   Trouble with whom?  I would assume your own truthful documenting is backed up by others and measurable results of your time in this extra work?  If it were me, i would let that coworkers jealousy float on down the river and press onward. 

Also, since this extra helpful-to-others work was 'directed', then congratulations 👏on earning the skills and confidence of your higher-ups, and being chosen to assist. 

Doesn't sound like the jealous coworker was selected for the helping honor. 😭

SoT

[BeautifulCrazy]

While there were many positive comments and some constructive criticism, one comment stood out as extremely nasty.

My teenager was just talking yesterday about how if we get 10 pieces of feedback on a project and one of them is negative, that's the one our human brains tend to dwell on.
I don't think this one comment is worth spending any time or energy on because except for the part about quality, the rest of the "comment" isn't even work related. Even that one part is just an opinion.... and only one minority opinion among many. I know how disconcerting it can be to receive negative feedback, but if it was me, I would consider this feedback as
- Not from my boss or my inner work circle (people whose opinions I value) and therefore doesn't matter
- Not reflecting the truth about my work, my ethics or my motivations and therefore doesn't matter
- Probably coming from a place of negativity, not constructiveness and therefore doesn't matter
Then I'd do my best to let it go as if it never happened and keep on doing what I was doing without changing a thing. (including any future helping)

[pianissimo]

I think as long as you are attaining solid outcomes that show you are doing OK at work, what others think don't matter. If you had a mentor at work, you could ask their opinion. People on your side would be more helpful to evaluate yourself. You don't have to pay attention to every single negative comment. You are doing your job in the end. You are not there to make people happy.

Also, the thing about "impressing the manager" seems to be a sore point in almost every work place. This might be the trigger for those comments actually. Some people bring their issues in the family to the work place. I acted out in my relationships with supervisors or managers when the dynamic reminded me of my relationship with my father. I also felt guilty when they appreciated me compared to somebody else, because this would remind me of the dynamic between my father, my brother (my father's scapegoat.), and me.  Recently, I had a colleague who blamed me for her problems with the management, that I was making her look bad by not taking her side (I barely knew her). What I'm trying to say is, the work place dynamics can trigger very strong feelings, and people might react like how they did when they were children. The comment sounds a bit like that "You are always impressing the manager, you only care for your self".  Siblings say these kinds of things to each other.

[Laurie]

Thanks so much for your insights SonofThunder, BeautifulCrazy and pianissimo!  I really needed to get this off my chest.  I'll do my best to ignore the issue and move forward. 

If they thought I had inappropriately taken credit for something, they could have come to me to discuss it or shared their concerns with our boss.  We would have addressed the issue right away.  My boss seems as puzzled by the comments as I am.  What had me concerned was the juvenile tone (coming from someone nearing the age of 40) and what looks to me like some black and white thinking on their part.  This is not someone I feel comfortable trusting.  I'll continue documenting everything I do (especially as it relates to this coworker).