I feel empathy for and sorry for her

[Prototypian]

This is mostly my problem.   But I feel empathetic toward my OCPD spouse.   I feel sorry that she can't do things because of fear and weird moral codes.  I feel sorry that our marriage is where it is.  I feel sad that my kids get upset with her.   I feel sorry for the people she gets angry with.   I wish she could look at her life and behavior through a different lens.

[Poison Ivy]

I feel sorry for you, your wife, and your children, jsinjin. I can tell you're all suffering. I wish your wife was willing to seek treatment for her mental health issues.

[square]

I feel sorry, too.

The way I see it, she is struggling to swim. She may or may not be able to swim better or head for shore, I honestly have no idea how much power she has to do either.

But even if she can't - well, she is actively pulling you and the kids under. She's pushing herself up on you guys.

Without you, she will not drown, just continue to struggle the same as always.

With you, she continues to struggle and pulls you with her.

She is not better off in either scenario.

I'm willing to help people but not those who are willing to hurt their helper. And definitely not those who are willing to hurt their helper at absolutely no gain to anyone.