Friends Post Divorce

[Kat54]

A friend of ours, well someone I now consider to not really be a friend, their son is getting married. The son is my sons best and closest friend. They have known each other since kindergarten. My son will be in the wedding party.

Last year their other older son got married, they invited my kids and ex but did not invite me. I was stunned and so incredibly hurt is definitely understating how upset I was. We as couples had always been close, did skiing get aways with them, dinners at each other's houses. During the summer we all sat at the beach together. Even this past summer as their sons wedding was approaching and I found out I wasn't invited I still sat with the wife at the beach. It was in a group of people and I was with my girlfriend who is close friends with the wife also. It was so uncomfortable that I stopped going to the beach. She would sit with me on the beach praddling on about her sons wedding knowing full well I was upset and she never explained or apologized. Her younger son had found out and blasted her for such a stupid decision to exclude me.

So now the other son, my sons best friend his wedding is coming up. I love this kid like he were my own. My thoughts, will I be invited? If I am should I go? And if I'm not invited it will devastate me to say the least, and it will only further distance me from my hometown as there are such painful memories. This being a big one.

[Poison Ivy]

I hope you are invited and I hope that if you are invited, you go to the wedding. Your friends overstepped boundaries by not inviting you to the other child's wedding. It is up to you, your ex, and maybe your children how to navigate these issues post-divorce, not to other people to imagine what the issues are and then come up with "resolutions."

[Kat54]

I do hope to be invited. And that's exactly what was upsetting and my daughter even cried when we found out I would not be going.
It's only up to my ex and kids on how to navigate this post divorce stuff not someone who doesn't know our relationship and have them decide what and who our family is.

[escapingman]

Kat, could it have been your ex that told them to not invite you? I would hate for you to lose friendships if it wasn't their choice from the start. Remember, "normal " people have no idea about PDs and how they twist everything. I really hope you get invited, good luck, all love to you!

[Starboard Song]

 

Please give your old friends the benefit of the doubt. They may be worried that they HAD to choose between you and your ex, and yeah, he may have lied about you, and there are many other reasons we can't guess at.

However hurtful the omission is, I encourage you to not let it cloud the friendship you seem to still have. These events won't amount to 5 days in a decade, and you deserve to enjoy friends the rest of the time, even if they've failed to understand things and really let you down in this case.

Good luck!

[Kat54]

My girlfriend who is friendly with the wife. She told her she decided she was more friends with my ex. And so decided they would invite my kids, my son and his girlfriend and my ex would be my daughter date.  People are so ignorant.
My ex has always been the innocent victim and he always portrays himself that way. He's told People he was blindsided and he suspected I was likely having an affair.

They had an engagement party for their second son who is now getting married. Again my ex and kids were invited. My girlfriend took me along as she said it was a casual backyard affair, she insisted I should go and my daughter said to come, but No... not really, catered, a band, many people invited. I only stopped in and stayed a few minutes because it was extremely awkward and the husband and wife seemed very surprised I was there.

I think people have preconceived notions that divorced people are separate and shouldn't be together in any social situations.

[SonofThunder]

 

Kat, could it have been your ex that told them to not invite you? I would hate for you to lose friendships if it wasn't their choice from the start. Remember, "normal " people have no idea about PDs and how they twist everything. I really hope you get invited, good luck, all love to you!

Especially the truth twisting. 

If the friendship is that important, you may desire to sit down with the wife in private and ask that you be able to share your side of any experiences that your ex has shared with them in the past, so you may add your side of the story, as it may be surprisingly different.  You may desire also to tell her how much her friendship means to you and how hurt you were by not being invited. 

If her friendship is not that close, then possibly knock the dust of that past friendship off your sandals and head on to the next friendship destination.

SoT

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

 

Been there....realised they were not my friends, it was sad and painful....but they were only superficial friends